Eric, a 45-year-old advertising executive with a major U.S. agency, was being upbraided by an angry client displeased by the lousy performance of a recent campaign when the conference room suddenly fell silent, and Eric realized all eyes were on him.
“Dude, what are you doing?” his colleague whispered.
It was at that moment that Eric realized he was sucking his thumb.
“Oh, sorry,” Eric said with a nervous laugh, withdrawing his thumb to a loud shlop. “I’ve just got this piece of loose skin on my thumb. I’ll take care of it later.”
Eric, of course, was lying. In truth, he’s an adult thumbsucker, who takes to the habit whenever he’s under stress — like when he’s being berated by an angry client. …
I’m debating whether or not to frame the life-size artistic rendering of my erect penis that’s just arrived in the mail. I commissioned it a couple months ago from a group of designers in Gothenburg, Sweden, to whom I sent the basic specs of my dick (i.e., length, girth, grower v. shower, intact vs. circumcised, etc.); desired state (erect vs. flaccid); and preferred design (watercolor, line art or sketch). As I’m a huge fan of both M.C. Escher and my own boner, I opt for a circumcised pencil sketch of what a Swedish stranger imagines my hard-on looks like.
One such stranger — Eric Calderon with the Swedish design firm ODD Company, and the brainchild of the Penis Poster — tells me via Skype that the main objective of this project is to raise awareness of the scourge of unsolicited dick pics, the thinking being that if men are provided an outlet to demonstrate their penis pride, they’ll cease doing so in women’s inboxes without invitation. …