An Open Letter To…. Myself

Painful lessons in personal growth and development

Hello there, woman girl,

I believe its time we have a talk, heart to heart.

Today wasn’t such a great day for either of us was it? We hurt a lot, we cried a lot and despite our better nature we tried very hard to turn that hurt around on someone else. Tsk Tsk Tsk…

When will you ever learn?

I need to remind you about something, okay? And.. understand, I’m saying this out of love and respect.

Panic, fear, anger and resentment will never benefit you. Even when it feels great to throw insults and use your brilliant vocabulary to cut someone else’s soul to the core — when its all said and done, who benefits? Certainly not the person you’ve directed your rage towards, and most definately not you.

Don’t you remember? Cooler heads prevail? Don’t you remember that no tempter tantrum, no cursing, no hatred ever did you any good? What’s worse is that while it may feel good to act in such a way, in the heat of the moment, you’re a thinker and a dweller. When the fires have burned out and the rage has retreated to a quiet storm, you will remember what you said and how you acted, and the cycle of guilt and shame and the need for apologies will be born all over again. No one gets hurt by you, more than yourself.

It’s time to let it go. You’ve got a beautiful spirit and a brilliant mind hidden under all of that baggage and coal. Let’s start using them, shall we?

Wasn’t it you who said your personal mission in life was to be able to enrich the lives of others, and help them meet their full and best selves ever? How, then, do you expect to do this, if you cannot — or will not — do the work necessary to do it for yourself. Sometimes its so much easier to wallow in the pain, than to stand up and walk away from the fire.

Lesson 1 — Nothing anyone — not your husband, not your children, not some stranger a thousand miles away — nothing is about you, personally. Sure, they can deflect, and so can you. But the bottom line is, each of us has a choice to make every second of every day. We can either let someone elses words or actions effect us, or we can chose not to. We can either chose to react to a moment, or we can chose to take action.

Sometimes, that action is doing nothing at all. Sometimes, that action is to walk away. But always, that action begins with recognizing what is ultimately ours to own. What is our responsibility to correct or deal with, and ours to throw away. If you’ve done your best, said your apologies and given change a genuine try, then it no longer belongs to you. Let it go.

Lesson 2 — Think before you speak. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it beneficial? Is it necessary? Sometimes, even the things that truly, genuinely need to be said, aren’t yours to say because you’re not the right delivery system to the audience. Their hangups about you, will prevent them from hearing. That’s okay. Let it go and let someone else be that voice. You do not have to charge in to save everyone’s day because sometimes, they don’t want to be saved, and sometimes the priveledge isn’t yours.

Lesson 3 — Last one I swear, but… If you don’t learn to lighten up, and let go of a past you cannot change, and embrace the beautiful future that lies before you, everything else is for naught. The baggage that you carry in your soul is breaking your back and weakening your power. Stop giving it away. Your abusers are gone, your physical scars and bruises long healed. What remains is the residue of a past that you cannot bleach away. You can only learn…

Learn that you do not want to be another one of those people. Learn that you have something amazing to share, and share it with a voice full of gratitude and love and genuine compassion and empathy. Learn that you are not the sum of someone elses illness fleshed out in your life and dumped into your spirit. You are beautiful. You are strong and amazing and talented and funny and all of the things you tell yourself you are not, because someone else told you that first. Believe what I say when I say you can do this, and you must, or we both lose.

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