How to Deal with Being Disliked

Candace Green
Jul 20, 2017 · 3 min read

You know that sneaking suspicion you get that someone doesn’t like you? It’s usually not true, right? It’s often not true. It’s even probably very rarely true.

But unfortunately once in a while, it is true.

Sometimes, people won’t like you. And it won’t be because you ran over their cat with your car, or that you never refill the printer with paper. It will be just your you-ness.

No matter how many memes we save rejoicing in the “IDGAF” revolution, most of us care about being liked. It’s natural to want to be accepted, respected, and connected to the people around us.

jk, I care way too much.

There was an executive in my office who I thought didn’t like me. I would fret to friends, I would lose sleep over the things I said in the office. Much later, after we no longer worked together, someone mentioned off hand what I had always suspected to be true. That Vice President, who I sat in many meetings with, worked for and respected didn’t like me.

So my suspicions were correct, and do you know what happened? Nothing. My career has progressed, as I’m sure his has. I work with other individuals who mentor and inspire me. That person not liking me has made no impact on my future. But I can’t help regret how much of an impact it made on my past. Those anxious moments before meetings, constantly worried, wondering if he liked me. It was a waste.

To avoid history repeating itself, I’ve put together a list of questions to ask myself when someone doesn’t like me. When I’m concerned about what someone thinks of me, I run through this list. It’s helped. I hope it helps you too.

Does this person know you?

Is this a stranger or an acquaintance? Is it someone who actually knows you at all?

If so, do they REALLY know you?

So maybe they know you a little bit. Do they understand and empathize with the deep and powerful human journey that has led you here? Do they know that you are a collection of experiences and values that have led you to where you are? Probably not.

Are you thinking about this more than they are?

(Yes.)

Do you like them?

Is this a person whose judgement you trust?

Does anyone else in the world like you?

Do you have a friend, colleague, parent, neighbor, partner, or dog that likes you? Turn your thoughts to them. There are smart people who like you very much, and they matter more to you than this non-liker.

Is everyone you look up to or admired universally liked?

Think of a role model (Michelle Obama, Gloria Steinem, Ellen deGeneres, Oprah, Sheryl Sanberg, Lena Dunham) and remember that there are people out there who don’t like them. It doesn’t inhibit their power to be inspiring and change the world.

Is being likable the goal?

What do you want? For me, I want to be respected, hell I even want to be loved by a couple people. But being liked by everyone won’t make my life any richer.

Is it a compliment?

For someone to dislike you means you’re probably doing something, saying something, standing for something, or believing in something. So embrace the disdain. You’re a formidable powerhouse with personality, skills, passions, and values. If someone dislikes you, you’re likely doing something right.

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