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Confused About Mindfulness? Start Here.
My left foot is asleep. I felt it go dead with a vague numbness punctuated by pricking pain. Not quite the pins and needles of a sleeping limb — that will come when I try to move.
I’ve learned what to expect over the past couple of weeks of 6.30AM meditation classes. For now, I stay as still as I can. I try not to think about it. Naturally, it’s all I can think about.
I shift an imperceptible amount in my cross-legged position to see if I can release any pressure on my ankle. I realise I am thinking about my foot and try to stop thinking about my foot. A clock ticks faintly. I focus on every ‘thock, thock, thock,’ counting the seconds to a minute. Another minute closer to the full half-hour.
My foot is going to hurt when I can move again. I start to panic in anticipation of the coming discomfort. The longer my foot is asleep, the more it is going to hurt. I focus on the feel of the breeze on my face. I find myself clenching my jaw with every exhale as I breathe through the ache. I try to relax.
The instructor’s voice interrupts my inner battle, calling us back from wherever we’d gone. I’m already here. I don’t think I ever left. I open my eyes, stretch out my legs and wince at the spray of sparks in my foot as my circulation returns to its normal freedom.
