For many Protestant Americans, evangelicalism and Christianity have become synonymous. So it can be confusing and disheartening when faithful Christians find the gap widening between what they truly believe and their evangelical church’s Statements of Belief.
Add in the current political and church climate that ties evangelicals to an administration many find offensive and harmful at best, and you have a catalyst for change. At least for some of us.
Leaving evangelicalism isn’t easy, however, especially when it’s the status quo in your community or extended family. If you decide to walk out the door, here are five things you should know that will help you during your first year.
1.) You can find new voices.
You’re probably used to finding helpful spiritual advice and guidance in books, but don’t expect to find resources for ex-evangelicals at the Christian bookstore. They are lock-step with the values of the evangelical movement. Just ask Jen Hatmaker or Rob Bell.
Amazon is your new best friend. Unless you have a good relationship with your local indie bookstore, of course. You may be used to hearing words like ‘heretic’ associated with some of the following authors. Don’t let that dissuade you from making up your own mind.
Check out these authors to get started: Richard Rohr (especially Falling Upward), Jen Hatmaker, Nadia Bolz-Weber, Rachel Held Evans, Peter Enns, Sarah Bessey, Rob Bell, Brian Zahnd, Glennon Doyle Melton, Pete Rollins, Brian McLaren, Anne LaMott, and Mike McHargue.
2.) You’re not alone.
Leaving evangelicalism can feel like walking out into the wilderness. But there’s a long tradition of wilderness wanderers in Judeo-Christian faith. You may even be surprised to see a few familiar faces out here.
After all, you probably weren’t the only one in your church who had issues with new earth theology or mistreatment of the gay community. So reach out to people who support you in asking questions or maybe share the same questions, even if they’ve chosen to remain behind in an evangelical community.
Also, Protestant Christians aren’t the only faith tradition in flux right now. You may also find kindred spirits among those raised as Orthodox Jews, Mormons, or Catholics. Keep your heart and your mind open to your fellow travelers. We have more in common than not.
3.) Podcasts can be a lifeline.
It may take you a while to find a church where you feel comfortable. In fact, you may decide to take a break or even let go of an organized church experience altogether. You don’t have to sit in a pew for an hour on Sunday to grow spiritually.
The world of podcasts offers a wide range of teachings and conversations on everything from learning multiple ways to interpret scripture to understanding atheism to recovering from religious wounds.
Many ex-evangelicals have started their own podcasts and can offer support just when you’re feeling isolated and misunderstood. Popular podcasts for ex-evangelicals include The Liturgists, The Rob Cast, Ask Science Mike, and The Deconstructionists.
4.) Local community is possible.
Ex-evangelicals are used to being part of a community, so podcasts, books, and Facebook friends can feel like an inadequate replacement. Finding a new local community of spiritual seekers doesn’t have to mean church though.
Community can look like starting a support group through MeetUp or Craigs List. Others find healing and spiritual connection in even less formal settings, like a Sunday morning hiking group.
If you do decide to look for a new church, you’ll be happy to hear that the process is far easier than it used to be. Most churches podcast their sermons, so you can stalk them for weeks before deciding whether to visit in person.
On the downside, if you live in a rural area or the Bible Belt, where evangelicalism is the norm, you’ll find far fewer churches to choose from. Many ex-evangelicals have found a home in mainline churches, such as Methodists and Lutherans.
A number of national conferences can also provide short-term community for ex-evangelicals. Check out the Wild Goose Festival, Why Christian, and events led by Richard Rohr’s Center for Action and Contemplation. Many of the previously mentioned podcasters also run smaller events throughout the U.S.
5.) Self-care is essential.
Leaving evangelicalism can feel like tearing up your roots and trying to live on air without water. You may lose friends. You may lose faith. Your family may not respect your decision. Your kids may be confused, and you and your partner may not agree on what’s next. That’s a lot of conflict and stress to carry around every day.
Take care of yourself, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talk to friends. Find a professional counselor. Develop a daily meditation or contemplation practice. Commit to regular exercise. Journal. Do what works for you, and don’t try to power through your first year as an ex-evangelical on your own strength.
There are very real consequences to leaving any religious community, but Christianity has a long tradition of wrestling with what it means to be faithful. Evangelicalism is just one member of a very large, very diverse family of believers. Take comfort in knowing that change is a healthy sign of spiritual growth, and you aren’t alone in wanting something more.
If there are resources you want to share— books, favorite podcasts, musicians, conferences — or words of comfort and encouragement based on your own experiences leaving any religious tradition, please leave a comment for others. Thanks for caring!
If you enjoyed this story and are interested in reading more like it, check out my series, “Leaving Church, Losing Religion and Other Spiritual Traumas.”
