Attention is Uncomfortable
As I was writing my logs, I never really noticed what I was writing about if you know what I mean. Okay, not that I don’t know what I was writing about, but I didn’t pay attention to what was going into the logs. I know I was writing that I was in an uncomfortable position in some logs or that I was upset at some friends in another, but I never noticed how these were negatives in the logs. As I reviewed the logs I had written, I noticed that most of them were about how I was uncomfortable, either physically or mentally. The only log I wrote about where there wasn’t a negative in it was the log on Thursday after class. That was a log I wrote when it was nice and breezy outside and I was done with classes for the week. It was a happy feeling.
However, the more I went down the list the more I saw uncomfortable things. On both Friday and Saturday, I wrote my logs at night after I had raided with my World of Warcraft guild. This was more stressful and physically uncomfortable than with my other logs. I wrote about how the chairs in the dorm rooms are really bad and hurt when you sit down in them for too long. when you are raiding you are actually sitting down for hours on end and it eventually feels like concrete.
As of right now, I don’t leave my dorm room much. I’m usually online talking with my friends from middle school and high school. We talk almost everyday and play games all the time. On Sunday, my friend started belittling my career choice saying it was a horrible idea and that I would have an awful time doing it. He then started to say that I don’t have what it takes to do what I want to do. I’m not sure why I chose this time to write my journal, but that moment sure made it in. As I write this, I realize that I chose negative times to write my journals and negative things to write about. I wonder if my thoughts are mostly negative or if I just chose a bad time to start writing my journals. I was never really on social media when I was writing these journals/logs, unless a voice chat system counts as social media.