Why Am I So Fat?
Sara Benincasa

First of all, Sara, you are absolutely gorgeous just the way you are. And brilliant, which is very helpful when you live in NC (I live in Pittsboro) and probably doesn’t hurt out there, either.

I would also like you to know that although you gained a few pounds, you really dodged a bullet. You see, I’ve had no choice but to take atypicals for the last 20 years for this pesky little life threatening disorder called bipolar. I gained 100 lbs on my 5’2" frame, then switched meds and lost it, and, well, I won’t bore you with the details, but I have gained and lost 100 lbs three times in my adult life (currently heavy). The funny thing is (not too funny, actually) you gain the weight no matter what you eat or don’t eat, and once your ‘ol bod gets a taste of being fat, (along with hormones, gut bacteria, and a lot of other fancy scientific reasons that are probably over the head of the letter writer, who feels entitled to an explanation for why you take up space in the world) your body will do everything possible to ensure that you never enjoy a comfortable weight again!

Geez. It really would have been better to continue to direct traffic at a busy intersection in the nude, or maybe even kill myself so my horrific round body would not offend the visual experience of people like your reader with insatiable curiosity about women who have committed the crime of tipping those scales. My mistake. Clearly suicide would have been a more socially acceptable response to suffering from my brain’s illness.

There was a time in my life when I, too, would look at heavy people and marvel at their grandosity, and say to myself, “I could never let *that* happen to *my* body. Some people do thought experiments, I do thought mistakes. Of course, suffering from double ignorance (not knowing that you don’t know) doesn’t help, but what’s the difference? Aren’t people like your dear reader entitled to having all women in the world meet his personal expectations so that they can tug on their sad little pricks that no woman wants to touch? We, sisters, are failing a very large number of men who understand that women exist entirely for their own peculiar, personal pleasure. Silly women! When will we ever learn?!? Oh, drat! The answer is NEVER, on account of the feeble-minded nature of our sex. How selfish of us to let down these men, since we *exist* in order to smooth out the rough edges of their incredibly challenging lives. How can we possibly begin to understand the great pressure, responsibility, and demands of the inherent superiority of wearing your reproductive organs on the *outside* of the body? Certainly the challenge is simply too immense for us to begin to understand.

Here’s a thought: tell your curious reader to go fuck himself. You, Sara, are beautiful, brilliant, and successful. Men who miss the mark (or just fail to measure up) find this threatening. There are a few men in the world who love a brilliant woman with a measure of substance, and ONLY choose among those men when it comes to being invited to worship at your temple. I also highly recommend the experience of being intimate with a woman. Although my life partner (25 years) is a man, I have biblical knowledge of women that both led to a better understanding of myself and was hella beautiful erotic experience. It is merely a coincidence that the person I chose for a partner has a penis. Only about 3% of men have any real respect for women, either find that needle in the haystack or consider all of your options. And wherever life takes you, know that you are not alone. I am on this twisted road with you, for what it’s worth (as the kids say). So toss that sorry reader and his offensive question into the trash where it belongs, and go forth to your substantial excellentness. (Kind of a lame last word, but you get the picture, right?)

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