the words evade me now a little more than before

he sends me a signal to say he’ll come around soon. i wonder if it will be soon enough. i tell her i’ll wait 4 years but any later might be too late. if he needs this time to grow up, i can give him that. in the meantime, i keep making the same mistakes. but i don’t want to call them that. i light some candles for good luck instead.

i listen to the same songs as i did when i was alone in my room, they feel differently in this new setting, but i haven’t categorized them as better or worse.

i come home from buying groceries and the dark clouds begin to settle. i do anything to keep my fingers busy, every idea that pops up is more catastrophic than the next. what is it about sleeping next to a body that can shift your sense of self overnight?