Some notes I found from 2014

Some of the below are rather cryptic. I find that others make a lot of sense. It may be helpful to know that I found myself in quite severe mental distress early in June of 2014. I’ve annotated some of the entries where my handwriting might not be completely readable. I have no clue when the entries that I didn’t timestamp were written (other than that I’m fairly sure all of this was written within the same general time period). The entries below are in the same order they occur in the notebook (my pattern was (and still is) to just open a notebook semi-randomly to an empty page and start writing).

Love, respect, attention, presence
The notebook that I recently came across that held these gems
I found this to be pretty insightful
How can a threat be positive?
It has to do with statistics. Only working well if it rarely needs to be truly fulfilled.
So there is an inherent bet made when anyone threatens another.
In the limit case (what the threatener wants), nobody ever challenges.
A threat is communication.
It’s all about posture.
Those “>”s are “greater than” symbols.
If it isn’t obvious, I was looking to remove those attributes from my own self.
I like this one a lot
Aug. 3, 2014
Just weathered a rough patch where (when?) I was obsessing about the Appalachian Trail — no more of that for now though
So much seems so negative right now
if i fail on my quest I don’t want it to be because I didn’t ask enough people for the right kind of help

I particularly like this one directly above. I continue to ask folks for help, though the exact nature of my “quest” has varied over time (and since writing this). It has always had an element of trying to improve the world though.

The last page of the notebook.
This last was actually from a different notebook, but it seemed like a good idea to include it as a sort of “closure”.