LETTER FROM THE ASSOCIATE EDITOR
Irate nephews who have the legal wisdom to send you screaming into the street, have written a collective letter to the editor of the The Plain Dealer. The question of course being where they get this assumed power and who are these children of the city to question our ways? They respond with anger and threat of retaliation that sends a message of fear to some of our weaker readers and a message of apathy towards those of you who aren’t even reading this. The question of peace is abominable and we’ve got an ironclad alibi if our lies are brought to light. Our corporate response is to quickly shift the blame to one loose cannon, a fallen soul, a scapegoat within the organization. So we feel that an acceptable agreement can be reached by both sides, although neither will give in. No one is quite sure who first cast the shadow of doubt over all, but we do know who threw the first stone, although an investigation is still pending and charges are yet to be filed. All questions can be directed to our crack team of lawyers who will then direct the questions to a hired spokesperson who can’t avow much knowledge of anything, much less what he ate for breakfast. It’s a joke to think screaming infidelities will make you a star. After your 15 minutes are up, you’ll have to apologize and pay back your debts just like the rest of the common criminals. We’ve got the money and the thousand dollar suits to sit in a room with our lawyers and wait patiently for you to break down. So, in closing, those pissed off sewer rats with a bad dose of the corporate plague will have to wait for their just desserts. Getting by is going to be a challenge and carrying on is by far going to be the greatest effort to survive ever. That’s a heavy load on your shoulders. Don’t stop now, until next time — Associate Editor.