It is my firm belief that everyone in the world has known, or has been, the character in the 4 of Cups at some point.
When we talk about archetypes in the tarot, we tend to think about the larger than life figures evoked by the major arcana like The Magician or The High Priestess, or maybe even some of the classic roles associated with certain court cards like the “earth mama” Queen of Pentacles or “action hero” Knight of Swords. But particularly in the RWS tradition, there are also some distinctive personalities that emerge from the pip cards — personalities that can be every bit as resonant and evocative of a certain type of person (or aspect of a person) as their trump or court relatives.
For instance, I simply can not look at 4 of Cups without seeing the modern archetype of “Leaving All Messages On Read.”
Think about it. A figure being proffered a cup — frequently associated with messages in this suit when they are being held in a presentational way like this (think of the Page or Knight of Cups). The cup arrives from the ether — this had more spiritual connotations at the time Pamela Colman Smith first rendered this painting, but maps well onto the modern world of wifi and cellular signals traveling through the air around us. There isn’t anything wrong with the cup as far as we can tell, but the youth doesn’t seem to have any intention of reaching out to accept it. Instead, they seem completely lost in thought — perhaps about the 3 other cups already in front of them, or perhaps those cups have been similarly delivered and ignored, and the increasing number of cups has been steadily adding to the youth’s sense of overwhelm.
Whichever side of the equation you’re more frequently on, it’s definitely a familiar tale nowadays. And I find that more often than not, this interpretation of delayed responses or conversations (often regarding emotional topics) tends to be the one that makes the most sense when the 4 of Cups shows up in readings for myself or others. And just as frequently, I find that it’s one of those frustratingly on-the-nose cards that tells the querent exactly what they already know — “It’s true, I have been ghosting everyone… I feel so guilty but I get so anxious and don’t know how to respond…” or “Yeah, I kind of figured he already knows I’m trying to get a hold of him and what I want to talk about… I’m just getting nothing back and it’s so hurtful…”
A card that confirms what we’re already seeing in real life can be nice of course — it does tend to make me feel more sure that I’ve drawn the “right” cards, certainly — but a card that we can draw some solid advice from is even better.
So with that in mind, how do we make the most use out of this card in a reading?
Well, first off, we need to figure out if the 4 of Cups is you (as in, the querent) or another person. In some cases this will already be painfully be obvious, but maybe it’s subtle, or a combination of both. You’ll want to look at whether the position the 4C fell into was self-focused or other-focused, or if you were free-reading with no assigned positions, look to your original question/attitude when you were laying your cards — was it focused inward on your own needs and behaviors, or more focused on what others were bringing to the situation?
If the 4 of Cups is You:
First, take a deep breath. You may be avoiding a million messages from one person, or just a message here and there from a lot of different sources that just sort of snowballed, but either way, these can cause a lot of anxiety, especially if you struggle with communicating, or if larger tasks were involved with some of these messages. If you’re anything like me, you’re now making things worse by beating yourself up for allowing so much backlog to pile up — don’t fall into this trap! It’s not impossible to dig yourself out of this, but wallowing in guilt will make it way harder. Okay? So, take a moment, then check in and ask yourself a few key questions:
- Are any of these messages items of an urgent medical, legal, or financial nature? These need to go to the top of the list, period. Even if close friends and family want your time and attention, you won’t be able to do much for them long term if your own livelihood is not prioritized.
- Where is it possible to ask for extensions getting back to someone? For some things like making payments, there may be some sort of formal process in place just for this that you can look up. But even for social messages, you may be surprised how receptive people will be to “I’m so sorry, I know it’s been a bit since you sent this but I’ve been a bit overwhelmed and it got off my radar! I need a little more time but just want you to know I haven’t forgotten.” Often people just want to know that you’re not deliberately blowing them off. They may even have been in the same boat as you if they have similar social anxieties.
- Are you avoiding responses because you don’t know what you need to say, or because you do know what you need to say but it’s difficult? If the former, carve out that time for yourself to figure things out — sometimes the stillness of the 4 of Cups is a very necessary stillness. This is where “Asking Extensions” as suggested above can also come in handy — “I’m still sorting out how I feel about what you said. I want to make sure I don’t say anything I don’t mean. Can we come back to this at the end of the week?” If you know exactly what you want to say but are avoiding saying it, drafting your words somewhere other than your phone / email / etc. could be really helpful — using a pen and paper, or on a notes app completely separated from where you send your messages. This will make it feel less final and hopefully free you up to say exactly what you’ve been thinking and feeling. Once you’ve figured out your wording and know it’s your truth, all you’ll have to do is copy, paste and send — or perhaps, if you feel comfortable, you may want to have a trusted friend give it a read first and offer some feedback and/or moral support. Ideally, you’ll probably want this friend to be someone fairly well removed from the situation you’re writing about — use your judgment.
If the 4 of Cups is Someone You’re Waiting On:
There’s not too much to do, exactly — by the very nature of this situation, the ball is in their court now. But here are a few things to know:
- More pressure (i.e. more messages, hints, trying more and more channels of communication) will probably not help. The messages have reached their intended destination — this person is just not in a place where they can process them right now.
- It may not have anything to do with you. This isn’t to say it definitely doesn’t — this card can absolutely represent someone who is deliberately ignoring one person in particular. But the card itself doesn’t imply anger or repulsion at the cup being offered. It just isn’t a good time right now. So, if the person in question has said they’re not avoiding you on purpose, seems to genuinely have a lot going on, and has typically been honest with you in the past — try to believe them unless they give you a reason to stop.
- Try to focus on other things — as mentioned above, if you keep “sending more cups” this person’s way right now, it won’t have much of an effect (or at least, not a positive effect). What are some better ways to use that time and energy right now? If nothing immediately springs to mind, maybe pull another 1–3 cards for some ideas!
Stay in touch!
Do you find that the 4 of Cups tends to play a similar role in your tarot readings? Or are they a totally different entity for you? Either way, I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments!
If you’d like a reading with me, I read via email or Zoom through my Etsy shop, Sacred Whisper Tarot.
