Always be prepared: 6 key questions to ask yourself before giving feedback
Feedback is a risky business. When delivered well, it can cement relationships, dramatically improve quality of work, boost people’s confidence in their own capabilities or even increase team’s morale. However, when given badly it can have totally the opposite effect and demoralise individuals, trigger defensive reactions or ruin relationships.
But there are certain things we can do to ensure the experience remains a positive and constructive one.
As a Coach at digital product development studio Potato, I use feedback as one of my coaching tools in order to help people grow. Today I want to share 6 questions that you can ask yourself before giving feedback to ensure the experience generates a good outcome both for you and the recipient of your feedback.
1.What do I hope to achieve by giving this piece of feedback?
What’s the purpose of giving this feedback? Is this to help the receiver grow in their role? Is it to improve your working relationship with them or provide encouragement? Is it to unload your frustration?
If you can’t think of a constructive purpose for giving the feedback, then you shouldn’t give it at all as nothing constructive will come out of it.
2. What are the facts I‘ve observed which I would like to feed back on?
The starting point of a piece of feedback needs to be a factual observation, not your evaluation of a fact. An observation is objective; an evaluation is subjective.
When we combine an observation with our evaluation or interpretation of it people tend to hear criticism and be hurt, which as a result can trigger defensiveness. When this occurs, the discussion often tends to derail.
In the examples below, can you spot which ones are observations and which are evaluations?
1. I noticed you were not paying attention to the meeting this morning.
2. You responded angrily to Martin who is an outstanding employee.
3. You have left your mug in the sink every day this week.
4. You constantly undermine me, I think you have a problem with hierarchy
5. You arrived 15 minutes late to yesterday’s workshop and typed on your laptop during the activity when Denise had previously asked to keep our laptops closed.
Answers.
1. Evaluation — ‘Not paying attention’ is your evaluation of the situation.
2. Evaluation — ‘Angrily’ and ‘outstanding’ are attributes of your subjective evaluation of the situation.
3. Observation — This is an objective description of a situation.
4. Evaluation — The full sentence is an interpretation of a situation.
5. Observation — Look at all these objective facts!
So what are the facts that you have observed that you would like to feed back on?
3. What’s the impact of the behaviour I observed?
A piece of feedback given without its impact is not feedback: “Lea, your presentation for the client workshop yesterday still contained references and images from client Y” . While the comment might still be relevant it’s just not helpful.
In order to be constructive, your feedback needs to express how an action or behaviour impacted you and the business: “Lea, your presentation for the client workshop yesterday still contained references and imageries from client Y. It made us look unprepared and the client raised concerns about our professionalism.”
How has the other person’s action affected you or others? What has it caused?
4. Which one of my needs isn’t being met by the behaviour I observed?
In “Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life”, Marshall B. Rosenberg says that ‘Judgements, criticisms, diagnoses and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs. If someone says, “You never understand me,’’ they are telling us that their need to be understood is not being fulfilled.’
Every individual will have their own set of needs and the feelings we have towards situations we experience are based on whether our personal needs are met or unmet. Being clear on what your needs are and identifying which ones weren’t met in the experienced situation will help you deliver your feedback in a constructive way.
You may or may not choose to share what your needs are (I recommend that you do) but as a minimum you should know them for yourself*.
Here is an example of feedback delivered with an expression of need:
‘When client X sent me an email earlier today to ask me for a project update you took the initiative to reply yourself. I felt discouraged as I need autonomy and empowerment in my role.’
What are your needs and which one wasn’t met in the situation you observed?
*Are you struggling to define what your needs are? Here is a non-exhaustive list of common needs to help you get started.
5. Am I open to hearing their side of the story and receive feedback myself?
As Phil Collins sang in the 90s : ‘We always need to hear both sides of the story, oh, both sides of the story…♪ ”
Feedback is a two-way street and when you give feedback you need to be open to hearing the other person’s experience of the situation. What was going on for them at the time? How did they live the same experience? The better your understanding of the overall situation, the more constructive for both of you your discussion will be.
A few months ago, a colleague shared with me a good piece of news they’d received. I felt hurt by our discussion as what was good news for them meant not-so good news for me and my colleague should have been more mindful of this when talking to me.
The next day I decided to give some feedback to them. They listened and asked me if I was willing to hear their experience of the conversation and their thoughts at the time. My colleague shared that they felt their good news was good news for me too and how they’d thought I would see things the same way they did. Hearing each other’s experience of the discussion was beneficial in coming up with a constructive outcome and strengthening our mutual understanding of each other’s needs.
So, are you willing to hear both sides of the story?
6. What’s going on in the other person’s life?
Before rushing to give your feedback to someone ask yourself what is going on in their life. Are they currently under a tremendous amount of pressure at work? Are you aware of them having a difficult time in their private life? Do they look like they could do with a friendly chat?
Sometimes the most constructive way to give feedback is to not give it. And instead ask the person ‘hey, fancy a coffee and a chat sometime’? Your relationship with them, their confidence in their capabilities, their attention to meetings, etc.. might all improve the same just by having the opportunity to talk and unload.
At first, the answers to these might not come naturally but keep practicing and it will soon feel more comfortable. As a wider ripple effect, you will notice how communication and trust improve between you and the recipient of your feedback because, at its core, that is what a feedback culture is about: driving effective and respectful communication .
Cecile Eschenauer is a Coach at Potato Bristol, the leading digital product development studio which designs, develops and launches purposeful and effective digital products and services for clients including Google, Mozilla and the Royal Bank of Scotland.
