The more I learn the less I know

I am very curious. I am interested in the mind. In world affairs. In relationships. In what makes the world a better place and why. I want to learn. I want to know. I would like to be called wise one day. Calm in the storm and resourceful in a dumbed-down world. I am able to focus on the world of the mind , because I am privileged and I am privileged because I was born in Europe.

The continent where hypocrisy and arrogance live together in a strong union, alongside immense wealth, based on the longest period of peace on the continent itself. Also based on the suffering of less privileged people in other parts of the world, who were colonised, exploited and killed during Europe’s rise to the top. Nowadays we deprive other countries more elegantly of their freedom and livelihood through land grabbing, free market trade agreements and wage slavery — but hey, it’s what the market wants and we worship the market so very much!

I frequently use the word “starving” (Louis C.K. did a nice stand up bit on that one), which is pretty fucked up, when I have no idea what that means , well, only when it comes to dieting perhaps since I am trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember, even when there was no fat to lose. All thanks to growing up in a system that creates and nurtures insecurities to turn them into a good buck. We’re not supposed to love ourselves. First and foremost we’re supposed to work and consume to fill the intentionally created emotional void with goods we don’t need. Early on we learn that success is what each and everyone should be after. A good job, a nice home, a slim body, travels, chic clothes and TV or nowadays Netflix. “Less thinking more consuming” could be the slogan of the 80s. In general, society’s imperatives are endless and the destruction too. The destruction of the planet and all its inhabitants to achieve endless growth, however on a finite planet. That endless growth won’t work on a finite planet seems logical and yet it is apparently very difficult to comprehend when you’re blinded by the promise of money and more money.

I am so tired of the way our system works. But yeah, I am writing this on a Macbook Air, checking my iPhone in between. I am part of this system yet I get more anti-capitalistic by the minute. It makes me sad to see people working 40 hours a week and barely being able to pay their bills. All that in one of the richest countries on the globe. It is neither ok nor acceptable, yet we all somehow accept it and mind our business. What can we do, right?! So much, if we’d only realise how strong we are together, undivided by race or class. #fuckdivideandconquer

It makes me sad that people define themselves over their work, like they’re not more than what they do for a living. It’s hard to take that mental illnesses are on the rise and as the Dalai Lama put it: ”In the United States, Britain and across the European Continent, people are convulsed with political frustration and anxiety about the future. Refugees and migrants clamor for the chance to live in these safe, prosperous countries, but those who already live in those promised lands report great uneasiness about their own futures that seems to border on hopelessness.”

All of that is hard to take, since I can’t distract myself with consuming or Netflix all the time. I don’t know what it feels like to experience the horrors of war and having to fear for your life every day and in so far I am very privileged, I know that. However, the more I learn about the injustice of our capitalistic system, the more I realise and understand, the sadder I get. I grew up with advertisements on TV and the glorification of consumerism (for all the Germans: Kaffee Hag und Wo ist der Deinhard?). Our generation was the first generation where kids were targeted as consumers too…I wanted matchbox cars, Barbies even hearing aids, I wanted it all, because I saw it on TV, I wanted everything I saw on TV!

In my teenage years clothes seemed crazy important, however I remember leaving a Mango store once with a bag full of clothes and all I could think about was what I didn’t have and would need to complete the outfit. I realised that something was wrong here, but I thought something was wrong with ME, but it wasn’t really me, shopping just did what it’s supposed to- it created more desire to sustain the madness of endless growth.

We all just need to pick our battles, since we can’t fight on every front. I stopped eating meat and I am trying to consume less and I could fight a hundred battles more, but let me get there one step at a time, like you. Let’s just start somewhere…

For now, the only thing that keeps me going is cognitive dissonance and satire and using too many commas in English-being German. A mixed-race German actually, stay tuned for that story…