My brother is bipolar
Does that make me bipolar? I these things are genetic. Ever since he found out he was bipolar a few months ago, I’ve felt weird about myself. Every time I have a mood swing I’m like oh damn, maybe I’m bipolar too. I used to think my mood swings meant I was pregnant. I’m not entirely sure which thought I hate more.
My mother has always been the way she is, so my brother finding out he’s bipolar kind of makes sense. Parts of my childhood have a clearer meaning to me because I believe my mother to be the root of the bipolar gene. It’s not a knock on her’ she’s a wonderful woman. I just wonder if she never diagnosed it in herself. Or if she did and just never told us. The latter would not surprise me, but the first is more likely. She’s a very proud woman who wouldn’t want to know that about herself because, to her, it would be a character flaw. She has character flaws that she’s aware of, but I don’t think she would be able to accept that one.
I wonder if my brother has told her. I wonder if she has always known? Bipolar explains a lot of my experiences as a kid. And as an adult. As an adult I blame PMS, but I wonder now if maybe that’s not the case.
It’s so weird how people are against mental illnesses. My brother is a fully functioning adult with a wife and two kids, living in a big city with a great job. And I wonder why it just got so bad now that he finally got himself checked out. I don’t know. I guess there’s a lot to wonder about this illness. And I’ll probably just always wonder and never do anything about it. Interesting how life works sometimes.