Who ever says money can’t buy happiness is doing it wrong

Seriously though. “Money can’t buy happiness.” What idiot decided that? That person doesn’t even deserve to have that much money because they obviously don’t know how to handle it.

Not having to worry about bills ever again alone would be enough to make me happy for life. Not having to live paycheck to paycheck — who wouldn’t love that?! Think of the freedom that would give you! To have the decision to work, only if you want to — that right there is the ultimate dream. I might blow off some time and do dumb shit with my money, then go back to work if I got bored. And I would go back VERY part-time; I’m a bagillionaire, I don’t need to work hard.

You could travel anywhere you wanted, at any time. Get yourself a private jet and just take off to wherever you want. Want to lunch in Paris? Boom. Hop on your plane and you’re there. Want to just hang out on the beaches of Greece? Boom. Done. Like seriously, how could you not be happy? There are SO many places I would visit if I had that kind of time and money to kill.

Ever wanted to just make a giant slip-n-slide in the backyard of your mansion, get wasted, and fly down that thing all day? With a gazillion dollars, you could do just that.

I would totally Billy Madison style it for a while/forever. There would definitely be a slide or two instead of stairs in my gigantic abode. And a room full of trampolines! Can you image the epic, drunken dodgeball games you could have?! Perhaps a boat or two as well. With a hired captain of course, because why not?

And you would have a ton of friends! You could have them over all the time and throw the craziest parties — there would have to be at least one or two giraffes at one of these parties. “But they wouldn’t really be your friends, they would just be friends with your money.” So what? I’m not even friends with me, I’m only friends with my money.

It just blows my mind that people really think you couldn’t be happy with that kind of money. Give it to me, I’ll show you how it’s done!

**Accepting job offers for this “Money Spender” position. I fully intend to exceed your wildest expectations and be incredibly happy.