Beer Goggles

Sometimes, you just need to see the world through a different set of lenses.

Disclaimer: I am not an alcoholic and am purely a social drinker — I am not condoning alcohol abuse whatsoever.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m drunk I see the world completely differently. Being drunk has a lot of different effects on me; I can become extremely affectionate or bitchy, loud and energetic or a sobbing mess curled up in the foetal position. You never know what kind of drunk I’ll be next.

Drinking has brought out the best and the worst in me over the years, it has made me question irrational things and it has led me to interesting conversations that changed the way I see the world forever.

Last night, at one of my closest friend’s 21st birthday party, something changed in me.

For the past few weeks, I had been feeling really lost. I reflected on how much my social life had changed since I “grew up” — I was going out less, not meeting as many people, scores of old friends had dropped off, current friendship groups were dispersing and I just felt as though we were all going our separate ways. I realised how little my circle of friends had changed, there had been barely any new additions in the past year and I just felt pretty fucking lonesome.

Coming up to my friend’s 21st, I wrote her a speech detailing the course of our 19 years of friendship. I used research tactics such as snooping our Facebook pages into the hellish depths that was the year 2009, sifted through 19 years worth of photos and albums tucked away into my mother’s towel closet and had a reminiscing session with other pals in our friendship group. I was really happy with the memories I had dug up and after putting it all together into a speech, I found myself feeling really overwhelmed.

For weeks I had been complaining about dwindling friendships and general feelings of loneliness when this whole time I’ve had some truly strong, unconditional, loving friendships that are sure to last a lifetime all along.

That’s not even the best part.

The real eye opener was reading the speech last night (extremely intoxicated) in front of the 100 or so people in attendance of my pal’s party. Tonight’s drunken personality was the emotional, sappy variety.

I kept cool during my speech, the crowd roaring with laughter in between each crazy memory, I felt really good. My speech was more funny and feel-good, not something cheesy worth crying over.

Then the next speeches followed, recalling all of these beautiful traits my wonderful friend has, and the entire audience was captivated and fervently agreeing with the speakers. I began to realise how blessed I am, that I have so many other caring friends in my life. Even though those other speeches weren’t for me, I was a part of them because I had been there for so many of the stories that were shared and I could see the same amazing traits in my friend that others recounted.

Being drunk, I suppose my feelings were magnified… which is why I just started balling on stage during every other speech, much to my friends’ amusement. I repeated “I love you guys!” to my buddies over and over because I couldn’t believe my luck. I’ve had these grouse mates for years, they had chosen to put up with me and my antics this whole time!

The saga continued in the bathroom, where I cried with my friend’s nonna, sobbing and exchanging words of encouragement and joy in broken Italian.

I was like a bloody tap, I just couldn’t turn off the waterworks.

I think many of us have reached that point of drunkenness where we cry over absolutely anything and everything. I think I needed to reach that point last night because I had to release all of those wretched feelings of isolation and exclusion.

My love and gratitude for my friends and their continued support and friendship was renewed and solidified once more.

As I wrote this, I recalled all those times when I introduced others to this group of friends and they would always say “your friends are so nice” or “you have the best friends”. Even the ‘Friends’ theme song randomly came up on my Spotify playlist — further affirming the appreciation I have for my girls (and resulting in more tears… I’m not even drunk anymore, wtf).

So there we have it, better living through one night of alcohol-fuelled tears.

Also, a huge thanks my girls, you know who you are. And I’ll be there for you. ❤