I am completely unbalanced

Think of the scene in National Treasure 2 where Nicholas Cage and his crew are standing on a platform that is precariously balanced on a single point. In order for them to get to the next clue, they must get off this wildly gyrating platform without tipping over into the abyss below. He runs frantically from one corner to the next, while the platform tilts, almost casting him off. That scene is life in a nutshell. We have this myth of the Balanced Life. (Can you hear the angels singing in the background as that phrase is spoken aloud?) It is complete malarkey. Life is a continual juggling act of unbalanced aspects.
The myth goes something like this:
You can do it all.
You need to make yourself a priority because you will not be able to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first.
You need downtime to recharge your batteries.
Your family is your priority.
Your kids need your constant attention on every aspect of their lives, particularly as they get to be teenagers.
You need to make your spouse feel special, building into your relationship on a daily basis.
Your career is vital to your financial wellbeing as well as your emotional wellbeing.
You need to love what you do and do what you love. Oh, and make a good living at it.
Don’t forgo your physical needs. Take time to exercise and eat right. You only have one body. Homemade meals and at least an hour of daily exercise are keys to longevity.
Who has time for everything all the time? Not me, that’s for sure. Here are some of the ways I’ve been completely unbalanced:
1. My kids spent 3 weeks with their dad, my ex, and I was on my own for the first time in 18 years. Some may say “you poor thing, you must have missed them terribly! How did you manage.” It was bliss. Well, apart from the fact that I missed them terribly each and every day, it was bliss. I slept late. I ate odd assortments of foods that I loosely called “meals” and that any nutrition expert would look at with horror. I wrote in my journal. I read real live actual books all the way through. I went to a family reunion and saw people who I had grown up with and reconnected with them in ways that I never would have able to do if my kids had been there, needing my attention. I was unbalanced, and it was a short but wonderful moment in my life.

2. Another time, I took a video production class and worked with a local TV club editing videos produced by others as well as making videos of my own. I also did the camera work and/or directing for a number of live action sports games: football, soccer, lacrosse, basketball and wrestling (just as an aside, it’s difficult to get a good camera angle for a wrestling match) for a local college. I totally immersed myself in video and video production and all aspect of conception, scripting, recording and editing. I lived and breathed video for several months. And the kids got on board, working as crew for some of my projects. We all ate, and the house was (relatively) clean. My personal hygiene was adequate. But my exercise suffered. I was, in a word, unbalanced. Then that season ended and I have focused on other pursuits. I took a few extra showers and hiked more. I did not fall into the abyss, and neither did the kids. No one got scurvy. And I had a blast.
3. I took a job as the editor of a lifestyle magazine. We published every month, and I was in charge of assigning stories, then following up to make sure they came in on time. It lasted just over a year. I wrote as well. I edited and readied each of the stories for production. I pinch-hit with photography when we needed something last minute. I was the final set of eyes on the proofs before we went to print. For a week each month, I was up at 6 am, done at about midnight and then had to be ready to go again at 6 the next morning. It was exhilarating and joyful and demanding and difficult and totally, completely unbalanced. I made lists for the kids so that they could keep up with what needed to happen for school without me on them all the time. They learned independence and to appreciate what I was actually able to do for them. They grew up a little. They also each got featured in a couple of magazine articles (I needed some last minute models, after all) and have copies of a beautiful, glossy magazines to show for it. We all came out ahead! I was completely unbalanced and taught my kids great lessons about fun and work and how the two can meet.

4. I started my own business writing and editing. The learning curve is big on this one. For the better part of three years I have been driving this train. I network and glad-hand and meet with potential clients and dash home to fix dinner. I travel and work on the plane. I juggle all aspects of business, home, kids and significant other. My kids have learned to stand quietly, hand on my shoulder as I finish a phone call so they can ask me where the poster board is. They ask me what’s for dinner knowing that it’s very possible for me to say “whatever you fix for us.” I make enough money to get by, but not much more. They see me stalk the house late at night when I have an article due in the morning and no idea how to articulate it. I’m unbalanced.
This most recent one is the one that has prompted much thought and consideration. Am I doing my kids a disservice by focusing on my own agenda? What will they learn from my totally unbalanced approach to life and work? I think they are learning that seasons come and go. That creativity abounds. That Mom loves them and they can do without me sometimes. That relationships are the most important thing in life, but that they do not need me all the time for our relationship to be strong and vital and full of love and care.
I know that when the kids were little, this would not have been possible. I was completely unbalanced in caring for their every need, and put my own interests on the back burner, almost to the point of forgetting I ever wanted anything for myself. As they have reached their teen years, we are all learning that “unbalanced” is actually pretty fun. They get some freedom, and I get to create, and we both get to reconnect and say, “what next?”
