Mummy’s Wine Time is Cancelled
I know I’m not the first mum to realise that gleefully pouring that giant glass of wine (or three) at the end of the day stopped being endearing some time ago. But here I am, sharing my experience on the off chance someone out there is looking for some solidarity or at the very least, might feel better knowing they’re not the only one wondering if they are making good choices.
My Short Sobriety Story
I *technically* quit drinking at the end of November 2023 when I decided to commit to Sober Summer (I’m in Australia so in Southern Hemisphere seasons). However, Christmas inconveniently fell just four weeks later and I wasn’t brave enough to face it without my wine crutch so I put it on pause for two days. I know, that’s not recommended good practice when going sober but I want to be truthful here. So, it’s now been 19 days since any alcohol but more significantly for me, 47 days since my final afternoon wine time to get me through the evening routine.
I should mention that I am no stranger to alcoholism as it runs strong through my family line. There are many colourful stories from my childhood of drunken Christmases, visits to AA and the hospital Emergency department. My brother and I have an ongoing “joke” that whenever our mother suggested KFC takeaway for dinner, that meant we were on the downward slide toward her having a binge week. However, my drinking has never reached the point of me neglecting my kids, being passed out for multiple days or drink driving, so it was difficult to pinpoint the problem. However, it is indeed a problem.
Purely from a health perspective, I know from reading Annie Grace’s books and work online that my nightly two glasses of wine were putting me at a greater risk for cancer, heart disease and other health issues. And let’s be real, I wasn’t measuring my units when pouring so it was likely the equivalent of at least three glasses. I also often woke up feeling that slightly seedy feeling that would fade through the day but return each morning after I’d been drinking.
The Truth
If I’m getting really honest though, the health concerns didn’t deter me anywhere near as much as they should. And I could put up with the groggy mornings and address them with an extra coffee to keep myself going. The real motivator for stopping was that I felt like I was on the road to my kids having the same childhood as me and I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror knowing how it feels to live in that sort of home.
I have bodily memories of the anxiety and uncertainty of wondering whether my mum had been drinking and almost relief when she had because then I could stop guessing. The angry booze fueled arguments between my parents, the embarrassment of not knowing if I had a friend over whether there’d be a drunken mother passed out of the floor. The lack of understanding from other adults about what was happening in our home and how desperately trapped I felt there.
So when I want to reach for the wine, I consider this world I lived in for close to 18 years. I couldn’t escape fast enough and of course do not want this for my children. I can choose each evening to either let my thoughts whisper to me, ‘It’s just a couple of glasses! Stop being so dramatic. Everyone has a drink in the evening”. Or, I can open a flavoured mineral water, eat a little snack and check off another sober day.
What am I doing here?
My sobriety story up to this point is very short because of course, 19 days sober is an extremely small number of days. Who am I to be spouting advice about being sober?! My reason for speaking about it at this early stage is that I devour other people’s stories from early in their sobriety. I love reading all quit lit and it’s incredible seeing how people’s lives have blossomed in their months and years of sobriety. But what I need to know right now is the nitty gritty of how to get through the first days and weeks because that’s where I am. If you are reading this and that is where you are too, I welcome you and send you solidarity from my little part of the world.
Stay posted to see where this road leads.