The Deception of Comparison

Amanda Belnades
Sep 8, 2018 · 5 min read

Comparison is a behavior we all practice from time to time. We’ve all questioned what we have and wondered how those things matched up with others. Does she have a higher-paying job than I do? Is our house as nice as our neighbors’? Does his car have more features than mine? Am I as pretty as she is? Do they take more prestigious vacations than I do?

Whether these questions are asked as a form of competition with our peers or as a seemingly harmless way to get perspective on our lives, it’s a method we use to determine our value. The problem is that this practice isn’t harmless at all. The truth is it’s one of the most dangerous things we can do.

Comparison Steals Confidence

Two of my most cherished dreams are to become a published author and to become a concept artist. These desires began swimming around in my soul over a decade ago, yet I never seriously acted on them until recently (roughly within the last two years). Even now I constantly question how my work matches up with others in the same fields, which leads me to a LOT of second-guessing. Particularly with works of art, I am unable to move past the thought that my creations are a vastly lower quality than those of other artists. I ask myself what the point is of continuing such a vain pursuit; what I make will never be good enough.

These comparisons serve no purpose other than to discourage us from doing what we love. They muddle the facts and alter our view of reality, in turn causing us to lower our self-worth. If I look at my situation through a clear lens unmarred by comparison, I’ll find more positives than negatives. My artistic endeavors are entirely self-taught with no formal education whatsoever. That alone is an accomplishment I drastically undervalue. If you face a similar struggle I encourage you to take another look without comparing what you do with what others do. You might be surprised to see how far you have truly come.

Your Purpose Becomes Distorted

When all you can think of is the difference between what you have (or don’t have) and what someone else has, you lose yourself. Comparison is merely a destructive force, nothing more. It’s toxic, a poison that withers away who you are at your core. In its wake it leaves a desolate form of tunnel vision. You can’t see anything else around you, so you end up focusing on the negative idea of what you lack. You become trapped in the belief that you are unimportant, that you have nothing to offer, all because you don’t have the same clothes, the same skills, the same life as someone else.

Caution: objects in mirror may not be as valuable as they appear.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. We each have God-given gifts which we can use to live joyful, fulfilling lives of purpose. The only way we will discover these gifts, however, is to turn our focus inward. We must remove it from what others have and place it on what we do have. We must look at every facet of our lives — relationships, hopes, fears, what we lack, what we have an abundance of — if we wish to discover our talents. If we only focus on one point, odds are we’ll miss opportunities right in front of us. We might have skills and passions we never expected or hoped for. Just because they are different from someone else doesn’t mean they are less valuable.

Unleash Your Genuine Self

For the longest time I wanted to be the next J.R.R. Tolkien. I was lost in a dream of writing an epic fantasy saga that would become as renowned as The Lord of the Rings books. We all need people who inspire us, to have goals and principles to strive for, but I crossed the line into stormy waters that began eroding my self-worth. I became consumed by the idea that writing such a tale was the ONLY way I could contribute something meaningful. The fact that I wasn’t writing such a work had a harmful affect on my perception of myself.

After beginning my self-awareness journey I managed to let go of these unhealthy attitudes (thankfully before I turned into Gollum or a dark queen). Tolkien remains one of my heroes, but I now realize only Tolkien can write like Tolkien. My purpose is different than his, but (hopefully) no less meaningful. I still hope my purpose includes writing, but rather than do what someone else has done, I want to be myself. And if my purpose doesn’t include writing, well…that’s ok too. I’ll be saddened for awhile, but it won’t be the end. It will be ‘just another path’.

We must prepare for the possibility that we may never attain some things we desire. It’s ok to be disappointed, even to grieve, when we realize something we wish to have or happen simply will never come to pass. However, we must eventually face reality. We can drown in these sorrows or we can look for our innate talents, embrace our unique selves, flaws and all, and live the lives we were meant to lead. Only by surrendering our expectations can we find happiness in all situations.

Comparison is a steel vice that imprisons the mind, heart, and soul. The only way to break free is to accept the fact that you are you and no one else. You are you. You are the only person in existence that looks, thinks, feels, and behaves exactly the way you do. There is nothing wrong with that. That means there are things only you can do, things only you can contribute to this world. That’s rather an exciting thought.

  • Written by Mary Rakas
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