when you suck at sports

Sometimes people try to comfort me. They tell me, “hey, don’t worry, I suck too!”

I hardly ever believe that, and 99% of the time, they prove me right. I’m a slow learner. It takes time and extra effort for me to learn skills and master them. Even when I do it right sometimes, I slip back into doing the wrong thing, and people find it difficult to help me.

I see their faces. Their ‘why doesn’t she get it?’ faces. Don’t even try to tell me you’re not thinking that.

I like my CCA. It’s also the first time I’m in a sports CCA. The pressure lies in the fact that many are have been playing for a long time. Just yesterday I got so stressed that I kept performing badly. It’s embarrassing.

People hold those with natural sports abilities in high revere immediately. People like me… eh, not so much. Pairing with the fact that I don’t look physically inclined at all, not a good combination.

I lie in the section where I’m too horrible for people to have patience with me, yet I’m not cute or pretty enough for people to want to spend more time on me. It’s tragic, really. I’m stuck having to look out for myself, help myself, improve by myself. It’s all part and parcel I guess. Being independent. I’d have to learn it sooner or later.

Ah but it gets better. When you pair it with the fact that people (or a person maybe idk) are paying more attention to someone who is equally as amateur but possesses different physical traits than yourself, that’s where it gets painful.

I don’t even know where this is going right now. I’m just pouring out my feelings.

I’m just not consistent and always stressed and always trying but constantly failing. I just wish sports was one of the things I could be confident at. That’s not the case.

Oh well.

Till next time.