“Having to continually feel like I have to earn my partner’s love by being “good, giving and game”, which so often means not having boundaries (or having the “right” boundaries) puts me in a situation of constantly second guessing myself. How far am I willing to push myself before breaking up is the only option? Am I just being jealous and I should challenge myself, or am I actually needing to trust my gut? Is this a question of us having our freedom and independence, or is this a question of just blatant disrespect? Whose needs are being met, and at whose expense?”
This right here is everything I’ve been feeling for a year. I haven’t said anything about it to anyone because my partner is poly and can’t be monogamous. If we were to try, he’d leave me for sure. I don’t consider myself poly, but most of our friends are. They all told me how they eventually changed themselves and became ok with the idea of polyamory, but I’m sitting here wondering “Why do I need to change myself?” Am I doing the wrong thing by changing myself for someone else or am I opening my mind to new ideas? Is the heart break I feel when he’s in someone else’s arms worth having his arms around me? Am I just torturing myself because I don’t want to be torturing myself alone?