Redefining Dharma After a Car Crash

Like the rest of the passengers waiting to board at JFK, my mind had already taken off with the planes. Our thoughts fleeting by leaving trails of thoughts, slowly dissipating into the clear skies. Except my introspection seemed more like a cumulus cloud that I had inherited from my mother and grandmother; the Zumwalt women who had departed on their own journeys of exploration.
I should have felt energized that day to kick off my sabbatical in South Africa. But my recent car accident had dismantled the routine I had set forth for myself and instead led me astray. Life, with all of its unpredictability, had forced me to ask myself: am I living in truth?
Former Czech President Vaclav Havel posits that people everywhere can live in the truth by embracing the “notion of human responsibility.” Responsibility is “that fundamental point from which all identity grows and by which it stands or falls; it is the foundation, the root, the center of gravity, the constructional principle or axis of identity.” What Havel means is to “live in truth” is to continually engage in self-reflection in order to be existentially honest with oneself.
The car accident shifted my perspective in a number of ways. Immobile from the pain, I spent a lot of time ruminating over Havel’s principles, doing my best to pen my reflections onto paper. I came to discover that instead of stepping away to take the time to grow, I had instead replaced the corporate structure with a series of activities that emulated my former flow of life. Admittedly, because of the nature of who I am, as well as the guilt I have due to this fortuitous opportunity. Both my grandmother and mother left their respected countries (Japan & Mexico) in their mid-twenties due to constraints and systematic changes happening at home. In a lot of ways, I feel I have a lot at stake because of their own personal sacrifices and placed higher expectations on myself to feel as if all they had done was not wasted. But adding this pressure has hindered me from reaching my full potential. I had equated immediate and tangible results with purpose. But there are other ways for personal development. So instead, I am going to take a step back and take life day by day. I am going to travel Japan to spend time on the farm where my grandmother grew up and reconnect with my family history. I am going to spend more quality time with my mother, learn to cook different dishes traditional to Jalisco.
As I hopped off the plane and looked up, I noticed there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Despite the crowd rushing around me, the world felt slow and my mind wasn’t racing ahead. I felt like I was witnessing something special, recognizing that a star at the center of the universe was making everything around me a possibility. Havel was right. A brighter future isn’t always so distant. It’s been here all along.
