10 Months of Silence
So I went and let another 10 months go without writing a single word on the blog. (Wish I had a cooler reason for this other than: predictable behavior)
It’s not like nothing has happened in all this time. Au contraire, a great deal has actually taken place since I last wrote. Lots of changes, a couple of adventures, slightly more traveling and well, I’m still me.
So, changes. I left my job at the start of the year. This was simultaneously the bravest and also the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Letting go of a steady paycheck to chase something I had wanted to do for a long time — yoga teacher training.
I packed my bags, said a teary goodbye to the husband, and checked myself in for a full-month’s training in Hawaii. 5am to 11pm every day. This experience pushed me — boot camp style — to new physical, emotional and mental heights I never knew I could reach. It was hard. It will always rank as one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life.
But it was incredible. I finally had time to just be me and do the things I wanted to do without a care in the world. Okay, I still cared about daily FaceTime sessions with the husband. But you know what I’m talking about — I didn’t have to bother about expectations and responsibilities for once. It was like a bubble my yoga classmates and I lived in for a month. The hardest decision we had to make was whether we would go for the 6am or 8.45am class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Everything else ran like clockwork against a schedule. We were so insulated from the rest of the world and the baggage it brings with it. All we had to do was yoga.
And damn, I miss those beaches. Unabashedly azure blue waters so clear I could see my feet while wading in, warm sand to cozy up against. Cerulean skies and SUN. Lots of gloriously sunny days which this London resident greatly reminisces while the British summer teases mercilessly with confusingly frequent cold showers.
And, yes. I graduated. With a RYT 250 hot yoga teaching certification.
Coming back to London wasn’t the easiest thing to do. (Hawaii — London. You do the math.) I came back to find a completely saturated yoga scene where certified teachers greatly exceed the number of teaching gigs available. So many doors became firmly closed ones with nary a window in sight. I’m a firm believer in these signs from the big man up there that will point you to where you’re supposed to be headed and lead you away from the things that aren’t meant to be yours. I still love my yoga and am always working hard to deepen my practice; I just don’t absolutely have to teach. And I’m okay with that.
So, what now? I’m feeling the itch to pick up my pen once again. If anything, the biggest thing I’ve learned about myself in all this time away from work is that writing will always be the one thing I love to do. I was fortunate enough to be able to write (among a slew of other things) for a living in my last job, and I’m more sure than ever that I want to keep doing that. Preferably without the slew of other things, that is.
Why am I so sure? Because it is when you have the time to pause, be still, do nothing and just listen to yourself, that what you love doing most will make itself known in the most resounding voice you can imagine.
I read tons of books. I did lots of yoga and my gargantuan yoga writing assignments. I traveled. I started running and doing HIIT again. I picked up freelance writing assignments that covered a variety of topics I ordinarily wouldn’t have been that wild about. But I only truly felt I was me when I was writing. Yes, even when the subject matter wasn’t all that interesting. I don’t even really care about what I wind up writing about. I just want to write. (Yes, there really are oddballs like me out there.)
When I gave myself time away from all these things and really sat in the silence of nothingness, it was only writing that still had a voice I could hear.
So, now that I’ve gotten all that out of the way and (re)befriended clarity, I’ll be starting on my hunt for a place for my pen and I, preferably behind a desk and in a place with a lot more sunshine.
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