Why I stopped trying to be a modern witch

Because I finally realised that it didn’t really make me spiritual

Nowadays many women and men start organising moon circles, channelling sessions, quantum jumping, crystal energy activation and the rest.

There is a new thirst for awakening. There is a strong need to discover some inner powers and show them to the world to bring some changes.

That’s the path I was on.

Many of us, spiritual seekers, try many different new ‘spiritual’ modalities. We want to feel awakened and empowered, connect with new people, find our ‘tribe’.

It’s a little bit like a giant maze of new knowledge and experiences. We can get lost and become worried that we will never find the way to the exit, where happiness resides.

We can become frustrated because we don’t have the ‘powers’ that others have.

I have always been fascinated by witches. I grew up in a village in Belgium where women were burnt in public places all throughout the country side for centuries during the great witches hunts.

One day when I was about 9 years old, mum took me and my siblings to an enactment of the burning of the witches. I clearly remember it all.

The crowd of people, the beautiful landscape, big piles of wood and the fake witches tied up on poles on top of them.

But what I remember the most, was the way I felt.

I had a ball in my belly and in my throat. I had a weird feeling inside of me. I was uneasy, I disliked it, I was scared.

All of it was so real, it felt like an enactment of some part of my own story, something that was buried deep within my soul and that I wasn’t ready to discover.

When they set the wood on fire and the crowd cheered, I couldn’t help but feel terrified and outraged… “What is wrong with them? Why isn’t anyone saying something?”

After that, I read many books about witches and questioned my mum a lot. I was haunted by their tragic stories as well as fascinated with their knowledge of plants, spells and powers.

It took me years and some past-lives hypnotherapy work to realise that it had been so intense for me to witness that enactment because I had been one of them.

After realising that, I was all about discovering my powers, what would help me show that I was special.

I learnt about tarot reading, astrology, herbal medicine. I learnt about crystals, past-lives, dream medicine and animal of powers.

I wanted to know more and more. I wanted to grow my powers and find my tribe.

All of that was triggered by my needs to know who I was. I wanted to connect to a higher power and to other like-minded women, so I wouldn’t feel lonely any longer. By being a powerful modern witch, I would be someone, I would be me.

Yes, I learned a lot…

But it didn’t take me where I thought I would be going.

Because you see my dear readers, it doesn’t matter how much we learn intellectually or who we were in a past-life.

If we are to find inner peace, we will have to go through ripping our ego off.

And all that I was doing was pretty much creating the opposite.

Wanting to know the future, to remember the past, are all signs that we are not happy in the present.

When we rely on astrology, tarot reading and crystals to feel reassured that today will be a good day, we actually give our power away.

We forget that we are a spark of the divine so, actually, the day will unfold in total perfection for what we need to learn right now. No matter what happens, we are already powerful enough to go through it.

Letting go of the need to control what’s happening, to understand the why’s and how’s is the greatest gift we can give to our self.

It is the greatest gift because it is the only way that we can embrace the day with total surrendering and joy for every moment that passes.

One day, I realised that after many years of going down the witchy path, I wasn’t actually really happy.

I felt a lot lighter.

I had to go through that journey because it was my way of getting to understand how I feel with all aspects of the spiritual world.

I was relying too much on my crystals to keep me safe, on my tarot to reassure me that I was on the right path, on nature to be perfectly clean so it would give me its true healing powers.

I could never find the perfect tribe to hang out with either, because I felt that even in that world, I wasn’t really fitting in.

When I realised that that path had been tricking me, I decided to stop walking it.

It actually had taken me where I didn’t want to be going: on the path to build a stronger ego.

If God truly exists, surely, I can trust that He’s got me, right?

And because God is the big boss up there, I’m sure I can surrender my heavy broom to Him and replace it with daily prayers and meditations.

My heart showed me the way.

I longed for inner peace and humility. I had no choice but to surrender to it.

I still have my tarots, my crystals and some witchy friends. I honour the power of nature as the great healer, but I don’t depend on it all to feel confident.

I don’t reject the path of the witch as something that is wrong. No paths are wrong turns, they are just paths that lead us to new destinations.

Now, I feel my connection with the source, God, growing stronger. I meditate and I pray, asking to feel love and inner peace within my heart, being grateful for my life.

That is All.

I feel that I can fly higher in the spiritual realm this way, living in total trust of every moment that passes. And actually, I feel more connected to life on earth and other human beings than never before.

Life can be so damn good here, amongst the everyday tasks of the humans.

Really, it’s not what we learn, who we were before or aspire to be one day that matters.

What matters is to keep our mind and our hearts opened so we keep learning and growing, together.

What matters is to surrender completely and burn our ego so nothing is left but our true divine essence.

We are all on the same journeys, no matter the many paths that each of us are on.