Doin it RONG

You know, it’s unusual for me to get this upset about something I see on effbook status updates. I mean, there’s a *reason* I don’t do effbook very much anymore, and the sheer number of idiots posting shite that makes me grind my teeth is one of them. Usually, I read something stupid, and then mute that person’s feed from the list. Or I just stay away from social media for a while.

I can deal with all the moronic things people say about war and politics and religion and parenting. I can ignore the cat videos and the twee “keep your chin up and think about rainbows!” pictures. Nine times out of ten, I walk away.

I’m not walking away from this.

Someone posted this:

“Screw Feminism! I do not want to be “the man”, I am a women. I just want to be courted, not expected to pay or put out on the first 5 dates, and why can I not just be a wife, have babies, clean, cook, and make love… I like being a woman, and no I do not feel the need to outdo men! Re-post if your proud of being a women to a good man!

Where. To. Fucking. Start.
1) It is physically impossible to be a ‘women’. If you are “women”, you have bigger fish to fry than not understanding a very simple concept like plural and singular. You probably have multiple personality disorder and have been in therapy for horrible things that happened to you as a child. If this is the case, you don’t need to read on.

2) Feminism is not about women wanting to be men. It just…it just fucking isn’t. Whoever told you that should be punched in the mouth. Hard. Then use their teeth to make a necklace. That spells ‘feminism’.

3) If you don’t expect to pay while on a date, you’re not a “woman”, you’re a con artist. Love, if that’s what you’re getting at here, is not about *paying for dinner*. And nowhere, in any of the feminist literature I have read (which is no small amount), does it say “thou shalt pay for thine date”.

4) Be courted. Go hard. There are no “how to court” rules in feminism either. In fact, there aren’t any goddamned rules at all.

5)Nobody cares who you screw, how often you screw, nor when you screw. We just don’t care. It doesn’t matter if you’re a feminist or a misogynist or a bulimic or a bloody Shriner. That’s your business. 5a) If you equate “putting out” with “making love”, you are setting yourself up for disappointment now, and forever. 5b) If your PARTNER equates “putting out” with “making love”, you’ve picked the wrong partner, sweetheart.

6) Get married. Have babies. Clean. Cook. You have obviously missed the news from the last few centuries, so I’ll let you in on a little secret. Those things aren’t gender restrictive, nor are they gender specific.

7) Feminism isn’t about ‘outdoing’ men. Whoever told you this should be punched in the mouth and…oh hell, just go re-read point two.

8) “You’re”, not “your”

9) “Proud of being a woman”, not “proud of being a women”. See point one.
It scares the ever-living hell out of me that there are people out there who think that feminism would support ANY of these arguments. How can you have missed the last two hundred years of cultural change?

Read this:

Mrs. Charlotte Perkins Gilman, April 2, 1916
“There is nothing about feminism or in the minds of those who believe in feminism most strongly that will in any way injure monogamous marriage, the private home in the separate house, the motherhood and mother love and mother care of children, to a such degree as is good for them.
“Moreover, woman is not going to leave off being a woman. No matter how feministic she may become, she is never going to stop being feminine. Feminism, in short, is not going to hurt any of the fundamental things of life.
“As you probably know, there has been going on among the women for the last century, notably for the last half century, a movement towards something they have never had before. It is very plain nowadays, and those who cannot help but see it and fear it are indeed mortally afraid. The woman’s movement has been misquoted and misjudged and ridiculed and slandered and garbled until many excellent people without knowing anything about it are fully convinced that it is attempting to undermine the very foundations of society. They hold that the feminist is an unnatural woman. They have particularly nice term for it – a denatured woman.
“Feminism is really nothing but humanism; it is merely the right of women to be persons, instead of females, and to have interests, affairs, and businesses of their own. Women are developing their human traits and characteristics rapidly. When the historians of a new day write the history of this period, the greatest thing in it is going to be the humanizing of women.
“It is a handicap to any man to marry a woman who is behind him. She ought to be beside him, and perhaps even a little bit ahead. It will be better for the race when the woman catches up.”
Q: Would you advise working after a woman is married?
A: Ultimately the woman will be financially independent all her life, married or single. It is necessary if she is to make an independent choice of a husband instead of having to marry any who will feed her and if after marriage she is going to be a human being instead of an owned chattel.

It’s from here.

(“chattel”, by the way, is a word that means “property”.)

If you want to get married and have babies and cook and clean, then by all means do that. What *feminism* has done for you, love, is make it easier, if not simply *possible*, for you to CHOOSE to do that. And if, by some horrible twist of fate, your partner should die in a terrible gasoline fight accident, what feminism has done for you is make it possible for you to inherit your partner’s property, and money. And debt. Because one of the things you get from feminism is *equality*. And that means, I’m sorry to say, that just like every other person in the world, regardless of their gender, you have to pay your own way.

Women don’t want to be men. Well. Some women do, but that’s not feminism. That’s something entirely different and I’m not going to talk about it here because that’s just going to get me going on an entirely different tangent and I really need you to stay focussed on what we’re talking about. And what we’re talking about, in case I haven’t been clear, is how utterly and mind-bogglingly wrong you are. So let’s just get back to that.

I LOVE being a woman. AND I love being a feminist. I have no desire to be a man. I have EVERY desire to be treated fairly regardless of my gender. I have EVERY desire to have the same rights, responsibilities, opportunities, and benefits as everyone else in my society, regardless of my gender. I have EVERY desire to be paid the same as someone else doing the same work, regardless of my gender.

Feminism has given you the CHOICE whether you want to have babies, or not, without having to visit an illegal abortion clinic because you cannot use birth control because you have no right to choose what happens with your own reproductive system. Feminism has given you the CHOICE of whether to marry, and, if you choose to marry, WHO you get to marry. Your dad doesn’t make that decision for you. Neither does your priest, your landlord, nor your government. YOU get to make that choice. Why? Because of feminism.

Feminism has given you the right to *be recognised as a person* in the legal charter of our country. That means that if someone commits a crime against you, you get to press charges. Because without feminism, if your house was broken into while your husband was away, HE would have to press charges, since you would not be a person. You would not have the right to own any property, which means that if you didn’t have a husband, or if your husband died, you would be homeless and penniless.

It also means that if you DON’T want to rely on someone else for your income, you have the right to go and find work on your own. You don’t need your father’s permission, nor your husband’s, nor your priest’s, nor your landlord’s, nor your government’s. AND if you DO find a job, feminists are working very hard to ensure you get paid equitably for the work you do. Without feminism, you would have no recourse if someone decided to pay you less than what was offered others. Or even if they decided not to pay you at all.

Feminism affords you the choice of whether to date at all, and if you do choose to date, who to date. Feminism provides you the choice of whether you want to make love on the first date, or the second, or the tenth. If you’re someone’s property, they can just take you whenever they want. Feminism provides you the choice.

So instead of posting backwards and harmful statements on Facebook, do something else that feminism has made it possible for you to do. Get an education. I’m assuming you know how to read and write (something else you can thank feminism for), and I’m assuming it’s possible for you to make up your own mind about things. You might think it’s ‘cute’ or ‘funny’ to post things like this on your public profile, but sweetheart, it just reveals to the world that you don’t know enough about the issue at hand to form an informed opinion.

If you choose NOT to be a feminist, that’s fine too. And you get to make that choice because we live in a country where freedom of speech is a right we all get (all of us, because women are ‘persons’ in Canadian law, which means that you, being a woman, get coverage there too — thank you, feminism) to enjoy. But if you choose not to be a feminist, or if you choose not to be the sort of person who claims that feminism is about misandry (that means “man-hate”) or usurping mens’ power, then please make an informed opinion on the matter, and don’t just spout garbage like this.

I *know* that in the long run, it doesn’t matter what you say on effbook. It doesn’t matter what you say anywhere, because I can (and will) simply decide not to pay attention to you. But, as they say, it is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

Consider this candle lit.

(Originally posted at cenobyte.ca here: http://cenobyte.ca/wp/ur-doin-it-rong-also/)

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