I have to make this one comment: trainwreck. It doesn’t apply to you. If someone has used this adjective in relation to you and your situation, they don’t know what a trainwreck is.
You are not a trainwreck, you are a victim of circumstance. You had two major tragedies befall you (loss of parent and loss of job) and you’re having a tough time connecting with someone who should love you unconditionally (not that I’m saying he doesn’t, the focus is on the tough time connecting). That’s not a trainwreck.
A trainwreck is someone like someone I once knew who had everything she needed, and dropped it all to follow…wait, not follow, precede…a guy with whom she had broken up, to Florida; abandoning a great job, family, and friends, in the hopes they’d get back together. As luck would have it, not only did he not move to FL, but actually moved in the opposite direction. So here she is, alone, no job, and in a very bad place. And when everyone told her to abandon this foolhardy mission and come back home (where she could have gotten her old job back and it would have been like it never happened), she stubbornly refused to return, and the reasons for such refusal changed on a daily basis. Add to the fact that, at the time, she had a 9 year-old daughter and was subjecting her to all of this anguish. Then came the new boyfriends. Many of them. Then the loss of every job she had. Then her imagined illnesses. How do we know they were imagined? Because she posted all the time that, “…the doctors can’t find anything wrong with me, but they’re idiots…” or something like that. Now she’s borderline homeless, her daughter is old enough to have moved out (I don’t know how she’s doing), and all she can do is post the same lament on Facebook and literally beg for money. All for some guy.
THAT is a trainwreck. All of this misery she brought on herself, for, quite literally, the worst reason in the world. And as far as me and the rest of her friends went? Well, when your friends offer you help and you continuously refuse it, one by one they will all stop trying and fade away.
That is not you, love. You will come through this because you want to.