Body & Mind

Expansion. Expansive. Yes, to both or either of those things! Why not?

I’ve spent the whole of my life hoping to shrink in size. No matter what I did, what promise I made to myself, the habits I had were real. And I’m sorry Buffalo, NY, but your chicken wings, roast beef, chicken finger subs and delicious beer did not serve me well in this arena. So I left.

I moved to South Korea where the promise of travel, seaweed (for eating) and mountains for climbing was related somehow to building the better life I wanted for myself. Free of the chicken wing, yea, silly, I know. This massive transition led me to fall back into old, negative habits as I was grasping out for something familiar to hold on to. Friday nights, Saturday night consisted mostly of socializing around alcohol. And, I, like many others, love me some drinks! Still do and always will, but after some time, I began to see how it was no longer serving me. I was back in that same unhealthy groove that was getting in the way of me getting things done. It was soju instead of beer and fried chicken instead of chicken wings.

That’s when I started thinking more about escapism and freedom. Similar ideas, but very different end goals, right? Yes, I’m a thinker. I’ve actively nourished my mind through out my whole life and given it the creative license to reimagine the world for me. I flex it by reading, thinking, talking with others, zoning into podcasts and traveling. I get frustrated with my mind when I feel like it is not good enough and I am proud of it when I’ve figure something out or had an amazing day at work. But, whether I have a good or bad day, I still love it so deeply, truly and have an insane amount of patience with it.

Which made me think… why don’t I have that relationship with my body? I mean, there are obvious differences between the body and mind. I think the most obvious one to mention here is that my body is my physical identity. I can hide my mind, I can chose to argue an issue or to keep my opinion to myself. I can’t do that with my body. It is there. I can’t make it skinny when I want to fit in more easily then let it expand into it’s true and beautiful form when I am safe with loved ones and feel at home. This, in itself, is why I have been impatient with and hard on my physical form. Even more surprising, it is also how I mentally trapped myself into keeping old, bad habits.

Change came so easily when I decided to nourish my body, the way I did my mind. I became more patient with it and more understanding. I started listening to it and actually hearing what it needed. I started paying attention to it as a whole system. I started loving it, flexing it, thanking it, and hardest of all, forgiving it. Yes, you know what, I have some serious calves but that’s because I have walked, wandered and hiked through so many beautiful places. Yes, I have broad shoulders but they allow me to swim through warm salty seas and carry around my heavy, ready-for-adventure backpack. It didn’t happen over night but it eventually did happen and now, everyday, choosing foods, actions, that treat my body and mind well, has become second nature to me.

Today marks 5 years that I have been living abroad so I am posting this in celebration. As a commitment to myself to embrace the journey of mental, physical and emotional health, no matter where it ends up taking me. It is invigorating for me to see how far I’ve come in 5 years and I cannot wait to see all the new places I’ll go.