I always tell people to do this — to always insist on the beautiful, and today, I saw myself preaching it to none other than myself.
Earlier at work, I almost snapped at someone after hearing some words that you wouldn’t want to hear when you’ve been working so hard on something to the point of being sleep-deprived for two straight weeks. Just like what Albus Dumbledore said, It’s always just a choice between what’s easy and what’s right. I could’ve easily lashed out and pointed fingers, and believe me, in that moment, I really wanted to do it. In fact, I already started talking with my fighting face on, and after two words (spoken louder than my usual speaking volume), I looked towards the direction of my desk and saw my team, and in that moment I chose the more difficult choice, the right choice
—to insist on the beautiful.
I suddenly thought that whatever was said to me, no matter how un/truthful, was given purely out of concern, and was a result of a very (sometimes impossibly) high expectations held upon me. The easier reaction would be to give up and break upon the weight of the expectations. I also looked at my team once more and saw a bunch of fresh faces—young people whom I’ll share a good portion of my life with, and realized that they don’t deserve a leader who just reacts and doesn’t know how to properly respond to less-than ideal situations. They don’t deserve a leader who snaps when unpleasant things happen. They don’t deserve a leader who proclaims to be a follower of Christ but doesn’t know how to guard his heart and doesn’t know how to hold all of his thoughts captive.
I realized that whatever I decided to do in that moment of frustration will affect not only the way I relate to these people; it will not only affect the image of me that’s imprinted in their minds; but it will also affect the integrity of my apologia (ἀπολογία) for the hope that is in me. And for that reason, I’ll keep reminding my self that there’s always a choice to insist on the beautiful.