Explaining To My Girlfriend Why She Won’t See Me for A Couple of Days When Red Dead Redemption 2 Releases

Listen, there’s a new game coming out called Red Dead Redemption 2. When it releases, we might not see each other for a couple of days — just a couple. Well… I don’t know how many days, one or ten. The game is large. It’s about the Wild West and you can ride horses. Yes, there are female horses… in fact all horses might be female because I haven’t seen a single testicle on one.

Let me show you the Red Dead trailer so you know what I’m talking about. No — the game isn’t all violence, it’s called “Red Dead” because of a character from a previous game in the series. See that cowboy there? He works for a criminal gang, I will be playing as him. He’s a great shot, isn’t he? His name is John Wick. Now he and his gang are robbing a bank. I think you were right, this game is mostly violence.

It’s also a really beautiful game. They put a lot of detail into it. See how their feet sink in the heavy snow? Games are getting very real. This game is so real you can slice your horse open and use it as a sleeping bag for warmth. That’s not true! I don’t think… but animals have to die so you can feed your gang-family. You also have to do chores, like taking a bath so you don’t smell, see? I meant in the game! Yes, there are chores in the game. I did say games were getting very real.

How large is the game? Well it seems very large. It has forests, rivers, swamps, mountains and deserts. It’s a Wild West game with a desert and no tumble weeds, good observation. See that train? You can actually go inside and travel. The snow shimmers, swamps are misty and rays of light penetrate the through the forest leaves. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Yeah? It also looks really fun right? Yeah?

Well that’s why you won’t see me for a couple of days. I love you!