‘’Alex preyed on my superhuman capacity for love and compassion’’
While smoking a blunt, you had sex with a person you’d been friendzoning for years. You didn’t actually want the whole package but you didn’t let him know you were not ok with what was happening ultil you’d already fled the city. You run back to this unstable suicidal boy, the very same you created with your actions, but you stay with him for a year, letting him know it’s ok to bluff suicide because that’ll get him what he wants. You nurture his bad behavior with more sex, and then you decide it’s time to move on to better sex. When he texts you asking why, you decide to vent about your trauma with sex and how you had linked that to each time you had had sex with him, after that chat conversation (you cleary hadn’t been having with him, because he gives you a heartfelt apology) being the compasionated person you are, you block him, because he was clearly being a creep and he might say more crazy things.
Oh, yeah, you are Mother Teresa reborn.
I know I exagerated a little, but I only hope this can make you see the whole story from a diferent perspective other than, you sweat holy water and he’s evil, but having that victim survivor label you identify with, I’m afraid you don’t want to hear this and you will consider these words rape.
For me, the whole thing with your best friend doesn’t even look like sexual assault, if that was so important to you and needed a step-ladder, you should’ve make each step clear before engaging into sexual activity, but it looks that was too much of a hassle and you were just driven by the heat of the moment, and so was he, and you shouldn’t blame him just because he can’t read your thoughts. I feel bad for both of you.
And before you call me victim shamer or anything it was you who said , quoting ‘’ I loved him far too much to bring myself to say stop or no’’
You should’ve said no, period. You didn’t and it’s your fault. You even recognize it and regret it in the next sentence. How on earth can you blame him for something he didn’t have any idea he was doing wrong.
I took my time writing this because I think your idea of rape and survivorhood is a travesty and disparages others who have actually endured the real trauma of rape. You should take off that victim label you have so strongly ingrained but wear so flimsy, because it’s a danger to any partner you might have in the future.
Do seek professional psycological help, not tumblr circlejerk victimhood.