Decisions
When it comes to making decisions, I’m elusive, compulsive, impulsive. Let me try to explain myself:
I’ve been trying to make a decision this week (and last week, and the one before… honestly it has been sitting there for a long time. You know how we overthinking procrastinators are, right?). The what is irrelevant, all you need to know is that this is the paramount of decisions; no matter what I pick, my life will be changed forever, and forever is a very long time.
Needles to say, I have been evading the issue. Elusive. I’ve immersed myself in a routine that includes doing an awful lot of work, and a bunch of reading, writing, watching tv series, even exercising is on the list. Anything that can keep me distracted is welcome, because the real trouble comes when I can’t find anything else to do. When I actually have some time to spare, time to sit and think.
My problem with quietness and stillness is that they make me think, and I already think too much without them. Now, here it is important to remember that more is not always better, there’s a long distance between quantity and quality. I think too much, I’m an overthinker, but my thoughts diverge to so many weird places that I can’t say there’s much worth in them. I think, run scenarios in my head, weight the possible outcomes, make a decision, change my mind, think again… I can’t stop the cycle. Compulsive. What if I’m missing something? What am I supposed to do with all those what if. I need to think, rethink, overthink. No, no, I’m sorry, I’m too busy right now.
But the time will come, and it will arrive soon, when I realize how much time I’ve wasted and I will jump into something. Impulsive. With no much previous rationale behind my choice, I will take a leap of faith and go with the flow of whatever I’ve picked. Certainly, consequences will come later, and later is a better time than now. Life is nothing but a concatenation of causes and effects, the consequences of a previous –possibly impulsive– decision is what got me here in the first place. But let’s not dwell in the philosophical aspects of this issue because it will only take us to the previous stage where I spend most of my time thinking.
For now I will only say: a decision will be made and I will let future me handle the aftermath. Evade, decide, then worry; there’s nothing new under the sun. Meanwhile, I need to find a way to keep myself busy, just like writing this post on how I am a disaster making decisions and facing consequences has proven to be a good time consumer.
Bis bald.
