Lie To Me
Microexpressions, body language, trust, lies, and a liar playlist
‘If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything’ ~Mark Twain
In 2009 a crime drama series called Lie to Me debuted on TV. British actor Tim Roth plays Dr. Cal Lightman, a consultant expert in non-verbal communication, who assists in solving criminal cases. The Lightman character is based on Dr. Paul Ekman, a clinical psychologist and researcher who specializes in facial microexpressions and body language. Microexpressions refer to fleeting facial expressions, that last a fraction of a second and disappear when the conscious mind becomes aware of what is appropriate in the situation and takes over.
I recommend that all my hypnotherapy trainees watch the first season as it is full of fascinating information about human interactions and basic emotions. The episodes are peppered with short video clips of politicians and other well-known public figures making particular facial expressions or hand gestures, which Lightman would then explain. After I had watched a few episodes I started applying what I had learned while with clients.
Paying attention to body language is vital when working in a therapeutic setting. I am always observing my clients: looking for changes in blood flow to the face, breathing, or body position, incongruities between what is spoken and what is expressed by the body, fidgeting, sudden movements, hand movements or gestures, crossing or uncrossing of legs or arms, eye movements, blinking, or coughing. I can tell when a person starts to enter a hypnotic state because they begin rapid eye movement (REM) that usually only occurs while asleep and dreaming.
Our fingers often chatter too. During a hypnosis session I will often set up finger signals with the client, so that they can indicate yes or no while in a trance state, without having to make the effort to speak. Once these signals have been set, the fingers may chatter away even once the person is no longer in a trance. This is called “ideodynamic signalling” which means “movement from the subconscious.” I notice when my own yes or no finger pops up while in a conversation with someone. Sometimes the finger reinforces or expresses agreement for what I am saying, and sometimes it is in direct contradiction to what I am saying. Am I being economical with the truth in the latter case? Not necessarily. It is perfectly possible to hold contradicting view or beliefs subconsciously. Indeed, these can often get in the way of a client’s professed goals or intentions when coming to therapy. But more on that in another story.
Once I was aware of microexpressions, I began to notice them all the time. A client in her 60s came in because she wanted to stop biting her nails. As I explained to her what I expected her to do in pursuit of this goal, she very slowly took her middle finger, positioned it in the middle of her glasses, and pushed upwards. I almost laughed out loud as this was a gesture that had been shown on the show. She was basically telling me to f*ck off. Needless to say she didn’t return for a second session.
As a therapist, I am also aware of my own body position, movements, breathing, and eye contact, and how these can model preferred behaviour, or be helpful in encouraging an anxious client to relax. This sounds like a lot to remember in a session with a client, but it becomes second nature after a while.
We may think we are able to tell when someone is lying, but can we really? The old wisdom that a liar will avoid eye contact isn’t necessarily true, with many liars making more sustained eye contact while lying, perhaps in an attempt to intimidate. And a liar may over-emphasize a statement, speaking in more formal language and not using contractions… as in Bill Clinton’s infamous statement: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” while lying under oath.
I am sometimes asked by concerned parents to work with teenagers who are habitual or compulsive liars. Lying in teens can be a form of acting out, rebelling, asserting independence, social acceptance, wanting to be liked or thought well of, to avoid painful feelings, or wishful/magical thinking. By the time they come to me, the frustrated parents may be at their wits’ end, no longer able to trust their child, and feeling angry or hurt.
It is not much easier for the liar who is likely to feel guilty for hurting someone they care about. Lying also requires taking a risk. Even if no one finds out and they get away with it, the act of lying can have a detrimental effect on the liar. When a teen lies, guilt or shame can affect self-esteem. The liar might withdraw, pulling away from family and friends, becoming isolated and lonely. And if they do get caught, the consequences may be more severe than they would have been for the original transgression.
When you lie, you have to keep track of two different stories: what actually happened as well as what you claim happened. It can be a challenge to remember everything you’ve made up, which can be exhausting and stressful. Even if you do manage to get away with it, there is always the chance that someone will find out the truth, so you live in fear. Sometimes, you even start to believe your own lies. The more you repeat the lie, the more real it feels.
When a lie is found out, it may look as though the liar assumed others were too gullible to catch on. And people who have an emotional connection with the liar, like family members, are more likely to be duped. No one likes to be tricked, and it may be difficult to trust the liar in the future. A liar may feel a sense of relief to be caught so that they can stop pretending and stop the guilt and shame that they feel.
Most of us have told “white lies” at times: “I’ll be there in five minutes…” or “That hairstyle really suits you…”, with the intent of being tactful, keeping the peace, or not hurting someone’s feelings. But if this becomes habitual it can be problematic, eroding trust, or indicating a deeper issue in the relationship or within the person who is lying. If we are “walking on eggshells” around a person, particularly in a relationship with someone controlling or abusive, this may be a survival tactic to avoid provoking an angry outburst.
Of course, there is nothing to stop a client from lying to their therapist, even in hypnotic trance, so I am on the look out for incongruous statements. I’ve often seen clients who claim to be feel fine, shaking their head vigorously while they speak. If you have a small mirror with a flat edge you can place it on a photograph, with the edge running down the middle of the nose so it reflects only one half of the face. It is amazing how different each side of the face is, sometimes even expressing completely different emotions.
There are countless movies, drama series and books that deal with themes of deception. You might want to check out Lie to Me. In my opinion, the first season is good, but after that Tim Roth goes in and out of character and his accent changes randomly. The series wasn’t renewed after season three. Anyway, I got thinking about songs about lies so here is a short liar playlist. There are of course many more songs about lies, liars and deception. You could build your own if you’re desperately bored one day. Enjoy!
