I’m Still Single Because I Don’t Want to Marry an Asshole
Ezinne Ukoha

Good for you, Ezinne. I’ve been married twice, once, a week after I turned sixteen, and again at eighteen. I’ve been married now for almost forty years and my husband and I have three wonderful children together. We are also grandparents and, before long, will be “empty nesters”. That should prove interesting.

I do not regret marrying my husband, however, I wish that I had taken the time to come into my own as a person before delving into a partnership that requires one to have a distinct voice and a certain degree of maturity before commitment for, without this autonomy, one can become overshadowed and thus lose a sense of balance in the marriage.

My husband is eight years my senior and I deferred a lot of decisions to him in our early years together. It took me a long time to find my voice and, when I did, he considered it a challenge to his position in our marriage. This has been a source of tension between us because, I’m sure he feels, he married one person and has had to learn to get to know, and love, or not, another.

You are wise, dear lady, to insist your autonomy and to not settle for a shell of some other person’s idea of how your life should be. You seem to me to be comfortable in your own skin and to have a complete understanding of the requirements of a marriage partnership. Go forward with your brave self! Much luck.