Pages 24–25: Krysta, Caroline, Sam

• The first sentence is nearly 5 full lines long. Can it be cut into two or maybe even three? Perhaps it could be switched to, “Cool Schools Challenge. It was an exciting day when thousands…”
• The quote by Natalia Tanko is weird. “In order to run an event like the Polar Bear Plunge it took a lot of people.” I understand that we have to use what was said but can we maybe switch it to, “It took a lot of people to run such an event.”
• I personally think that the sentence, “NHS had a goal to reach $50,000 with 400 plungers, each of whom had to raise at least $50…” would be better if reach was changed to raise
• “When we lost our transportation.” Is in the story. I understand that the person who wrote this was likely a member of the PBP, but aren’t we, when writing the stories, not supposed to speak as though we were part of the event?
• Outside of those things, I fixed a few name errors in certain captions

46–47:

• In Jenna Haefeli’s headshot there is an extra space between welcoming and it’s in the fourth line.
• In Brendan Felch’s headshot he says “over time helped the members to become a better person,” which implies that the members of the group became one person. Could it be changed to “become better people,” ?
• In the first caption, Juniors is in the wrong font/size
• In caption 8, “love” ones should be “loved”
• There are two spaces between “it” and “first” in caption 9
• Caption 12 has “in other schools/ communities” is there a reason for the space between the / and communities?
• The second paragraph of the story on 47 ends with an ” but it’s not the end of a quote
• The third paragraph of that same story begins with “Fellow entrants achieved many goals while participating in the club,” but there was nobody mentioned previously who had achieved goals. I don’t know why “fellow” is used/who it is referring to.
• The second to last paragraph in that story is in present tense.