A Girl from Mars: A Semester in College
--
“Though she never told me her name”
This school year, I was far from prepared to be a college student. The two years at the high school went by in a blast and all of a sudden, I was in college, being treated like an adult. It felt odd, like I was not supposed to be here. I was an alien from Mars. Many of my professors were saying that we were adults, as if we had a clue what would become of us. Obviously, it was far from the truth. A lot of us did not even know where our classes were, let alone what we would be doing for a living. I was under the impression that I had to have myself figured out quickly. However, changes that occurred to me were not fast, but they were many. Through this semester, my attitude towards my standards of how well I do in school has changed from how it has been for all of my past education. Additionally, my mannerism towards people has changed, along with how I think about others.
“I remember the time I knew a girl from Mars.”
Through this semester, I have learned how to become more patient with myself. One aspect of this is being patient with myself in school. From before I remember, I have always been a good student, getting good grades and finishing the years with all or mostly A’s. Naturally, I got used to performing well in school. However, once I got to the college, that changed slightly. Although I still have done well, certain grades are not ones that I am proud of, however small it may seem to others. Mainly, this feeling of failure comes from having a high standard for how I perform. To me, getting a B in the class is akin to almost failing the class. Getting a C on an assignment is equal to failure as well, although it is deemed an average grade. These grades were foreign to me.
In my pre-calculus class, I was not performing as well as I wanted to on exams, even though I did fine on the homework and quizzes. On an exam, I swore that I knew what I needed to do to solve the problems, and I did. When the test score was put in, it was a score that was barely acceptable to me. I got a 75%, and it bewildered me. It was like my body went into shock, feeling my heart leap into my throat and my vision blur as I stared at the score. I realized, to my turmoil, that I was not going to do as well as I had hoped in this class at the end of the semester. Although it may seem dramatic, seeing that score made me panic in the bathroom, struggling to breathe properly. It was a horrible and unknown feeling. Something had to change.
With this high standard, it was eventually not going to healthy for me, as not meeting my standards for myself would bring negative moods and bring me down. Being down would not do anything to help improve my scores. Therefore, I resolved to remember that it was great that I was in college already. Going through a fast paced high school was something to be proud of, especially since I did receive straight A’s. Getting over my pride and lowering my standards with hard reality was another component that I needed to apply. Making these changes brought a more positive light to my work and allowed me not to panic when I didn’t do as well in college as I did at the high school.
Another action that I started taking whenever I was feeling panicked about a grade was listening to music after or during my homework. The growl of the guitar in “Girl from Mars” by Ash and the revolutionary feel of Green Day soothed me, even if the volume was at an astronomical amount. Listening to rock bands and songs like those became a regular habit of mine to distract myself from feeling down. By the time I finish one song and replay it, I’m back in a better mood, singing the lyrics to myself or my cat.
“Oh, we’d stay up late playing cards, Henri Winterman cigars.”
This semester also allowed me to change in the way I handle being around others and how I act, especially with making and having friends. I’ve always been an extrovert, although I have changed how I view people. I do not try to find the good in them and cling on to that, overlooking negatives they may have. Caution with people is a big part of how I choose friends and handle myself around people.
The main reason for this change in me was because of an experience my sister, a couple friends and I had. We all used to be friends with this one girl, trusting her with our secrets. What we did not know was that she was holding secrets of all of us and exchanging them between us. These secrets were told in confidence, not meant to be told to the rest of the group and talked about. This made a large issue, including how she would deny her fault and not listen to us. I was especially mad when she talked about my sister and her secrets. As she continued to make things worse, even pulling her mother into the issue, we decided to cut ties with her.
A time later, she contacted a few of us, apologizing for what she had done and blaming herself. My sister and one of my friends decided that she was sincere, beginning to talk to her again. However, I decided to keep her at a distance and watch what she was doing. She showed promise for a while, until it went downhill, with her making conniving comments about my friend’s business and dropping my sister completely, who was supposedly her best friend, for another girl.
This experience solidified my caution towards people. It may make me seem like some sort of alien to humans, but my caution works. Before I make friends with people, I observe them for a long while. It made me realize that although having a positive outlook is good, not everything in the world is sunshine and rainbows. I grew a stronger grasp on reality. Additionally, I realize that not everyone has to like me and has to be my friend. I find that I do like to be alone at times. Being able to say no, even to those who are trying to return again, and accepting that being firm is not the same as being mean has been an especially helpful skill. I call it tough love.
“I still love you, girl from Mars”
Over this semester, I have changed in different ways. Changing how I handle my grades in school has brought a more positive light to school. I can find the good about my work, instead of feeling bad about a passing grade. My attitude towards people has also benefitted me. I can weed out those who strike me as problematic, causing less stress for me and those I care about. Being firm with people helps in this as well.
It is important to remember that changes are inevitable. Even adults change, though teenagers think that all adults have their lives together and will never change. Simply put, change is not something that people should be afraid of. Instead, it should be embraced, since it can bring good to those who let it. Although I have changed, I know I am still myself. I am a girl from Mars, only an updated version.