How To Prep For Season Two Of Stranger Things

“Look. We’re everywhere.”
  1. Excavate a 24’ x 24’ space in your backyard.
  2. Pour concrete for your foundation.
  3. Your walls can be cinderblock or you can pour more concrete. In fact, steel walls reinforced by concrete are best.
  4. Pick out an entry for your bunker. A lockable, from the inside, steel door will keep out gasses, predators, and the voices of talkative strangers.
  5. Conceal the bunker entrance using either dense foliage or a prefabricated supply shed.
  6. Create a ventilation system. The ideal ventilation system will filter and bring in clean air while being noisy enough to prevent any voices getting in from outside.
  7. Ensure no Wi-Fi signal can penetrate the bunker.
  8. Just to be sure, plunge all Wi-Fi capable devices into a 55 gallon drum of Perchloric acid.
  9. Create an escape hatch. If your first line of defense isn’t enough to stop what’s coming, you’ll want to have an escape route plotted that avoids major roads, airports, congested urban areas, suburban areas, shopping malls, homes, dwellings, colleges, high schools, middle schools, coffee shops of any sort. Point your compass towards Pitcairn Island, a remote spot in the southern Pacific Ocean. It takes nearly ten days to reach the island by boat from the nearest land.
  10. Load up on supplies. Visit multiples stores so as to not draw attention to yourself. You don’t want alert anyone to what you’re planning.
  11. Send family and friends an ambiguous message about going out of town. Be vague but not so vague that they alert the authorities.
  12. Descend into your bunker and wait two to five years until they’re done picking the flesh off your childhood memories, emerge.
  13. Discover creators are planning a prequel.
  14. Re-descend your bunker. Plunge yourself into the 55 gallon drum of Perchloric acid.