It’s getting hard out here, lord. I feel like Bill Murray in the movie “Groundhog Day,” where every morning when I wake up, I’m forced to deal with some goofy rodent with orange hair crawling out of his hole to tell me it’s gonna be gray & crappy for the next four years. I have actually had to figure out how to turn my notifications off on my phone just to quiet the electrical waves. The mind tends to reel with all these sounds of the machine cranking.
And it is cranking — LOUDLY. Like it might throw a rod…
Well, this Friday we get to see the host of “The Apprentice” be crowned in Washington, D.C.
There’s that.
I’ve been trying to scrape that goofy image from my skull but I know a lot of people out there in red hats are priming up for the grand coronation of this rich kid.
And that’s OK, I guess. Looney Tunes are funny. Train wrecks are cool when you don’t know anyone on them. I wonder if Christ saw this coming when he was dangling on the cross. …
The neighbor boy had come over to see my stepson, and he was gibbering on as usual. And it was fast. Very fast. It was actually a strain to keep up with what he had to say. He’s a video game connoisseur, movie guru, and an avid Matchbox car collector. And it seemed like he was talking about all of them in one long rambling sentence. I could feel my face melting. It was great.
The poor kid looked pale — like he hadn’t been out of the basement for a while. His eyes were squinting as though the sunlight…
There’s a guy in the pub, and when you shake his hand, he holds it for a long time. And he talks — a lot. And he does it as he holds you captive.
But the good thing is, I like what he has to say. It’s real and it’s genuine. Of course, some of it’s bullshit, but that’s expected. When you live in the hills, you’re bound to be colorful.
When he finally does let go of my hand it’s usually to buy a drink. And he always slaps his money down hard on the bar which make the…
It was Labor Day weekend, and I did like many Americans — I tried not to labor. I sat on my back deck in the shade with a cocktail and tried to tune everything out. Occasionally, when I found the strength, I’d pick up a walnut off the ground and bat it into the neighbor’s trees. It’s good fun — but it pissed the barn swallows off something fierce. They kept swooping at me all afternoon but it’s OK. It’s a simple life with simple pleasures.
But not everything is great. I’m having a hard time with this election. Whenever…
Chad Christensen
He writes a column for The Big Smoke called “Boy With Shovel.”
