Chair — An Origin Story

3 min readJun 19, 2023

The most arbitrary object. Respect it. $CHAIR

Legend had it that the very first $CHAIR came into existence when a tired caveman decided to take a load off his feet. He stumbled upon a conveniently shaped rock, plopped himself down, and thought, “Hey, this is more comfortable than getting chased by mammoths!” And just like that, the concept of sitting was born.

Step #1

As time marched on, the $CHAIR began to evolve. In ancient Egypt, pharaohs and queens demanded chairs adorned with precious gems and extravagant decorations. Sitting was no longer just a means of resting; it had become a status symbol. “If you don’t have a golden throne, are you even a ruler?” the pharaohs would scoff.

In medieval times, the $CHAIR took on a whole new meaning. They became thrones, the sacred seats of power. Kings and queens perched upon them, issuing proclamations and acting as if their behinds were magically imbued with wisdom. Little did they know that it was the $CHAIR doing all the hard work!

Step #2

During the Renaissance, the $CHAIR found itself in the company of artists and thinkers. They became essential tools for creativity, with painters, writers, and philosophers relying on their trusty chairs to support their imaginative endeavours. The $CHAIR, of course, took full credit for the masterpieces created upon their lap.

As the world hurtled into the Industrial Revolution, the $CHAIR experienced a radical makeover. They morphed into mechanical contraptions, with levers, springs, and wheels. Suddenly, sitting became an adventure, a wild ride of reclining and swiveling. Office workers the world over discovered the joys of spinning around in their $CHAIR when the boss wasn’t looking.

Step #3

In the modern era, the $CHAIR continued to reinvent itself. The rise of ergonomic design brought forth chairs that claimed to be the epitome of comfort and back support. People debated the merits of lumbar support, armrests, and adjustable height as if it were a matter of life and death. Meetings turned into discussions about the perfect angle for maximum posterior pleasure.

But amidst all the advancements and debates, the $CHAIR never lost its mischievous spirit. It would creak at the most inopportune moments, sending its occupant into a fit of embarrassment. It would hide crumbs in its cushions, only to release them like confetti during important gatherings. The $CHAIR loved to play pranks, reminding humans that no matter how sophisticated they became, the $CHAIR would always have the last laugh.

Step #4

So, dear investor, the next time you find yourself sinking into the embrace of a $CHAIR, remember the witty history. Next time you think of approving for sell, think of how important a $CHAIR is to your daily life. Next time you talk in the confines of your “elitest” private group, mention $CHAIR.

We sit on them. We have sex on them. We eat on them. We rekindle our thoughts on them. We break ‘em. We make ‘em. We flat pack them. We praise ‘em.

$CHAIR is a movement.




The $CHAIR of things to come. Sit down and relax.