Dear Misty ~
I’m glad you did post. These feelings always need a way out, a way to move through us. You made me well up a bit as well. This is my reason for being, to be this love and peace. I grew up with it, so many have said it must be easier for me. In this world? Not so much.
I studied enlightenment for decades, practiced myself into every corner there is and then some. I went through a 16-year relationship never giving up, never facing the truth of what I had to face (which will be different for you) because I told the Infinite I never wanted to have to go through this in any other lifetime.
May I offer a few suggestions? Find some quiet time without your husband or family. They mean well… most of the time. But they have their way of who they need you to be. Is that who you are when you are ‘alone with the Divine’? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, right?
Find that quiet moment. Sit quietly with the Infinite in whatever way you understand that to be…and instead of begging for help (we all do it) make the choice to be fully present and to listen. Listen to what your angels have to say to you. You have already proven yourself to be strong. You can do this.
What do your angels, what does the Divine tell you? It won’t be a big roadmap of what to do for the rest of your life. We won’t have those anymore. What we have are breadcrumbs from Spirit, that, when we follow them in every direction, not just one, guide us home.
When the peace finds your heart, and it will, rest in that. Nurture and restore your faith first. It won’t take as long as the hurt tells you it will.
Then you will know if / when / what hard conversations to have.
There is an expression I just learned, although in Spanish. In English it loosely translates into “You never know who you work for.” That means that the work we do, always benefits others in some way. So my post was also for you. I do know ‘who’ I work for. The Infinite. And THAT… benefits us all, through us all. We are that. So are you.
Be well, and remember you are a child of the Infinite and you have done nothing wrong, you are learning, like all the rest of us.