Birthdays are kinda weird would you not say?
If you are familiar with some of the Bible stories, then you know the story of Herod Antipas and how he offered his wife’s daughter, the head of God’s servant- John the Baptist, on a platter. You also probably remember(although not so famous) the story of how on his birthday, one Pharaoh of Egypt hanged his baker.
Apart from the obvious (beheading), these two stories have something else in common. They are the only time the Bible mentions anything about birthdays. Coincidence??
Well, not according to Jehovah’s Witnesses! And for that reason, we, I mean they, do not celebrate or participate in anyone’s birthday. The religion that bore me and taught me God. This is not about them or that weird doctrine, this is about how birthdays fill me with existential dread.
I had never celebrated birthdays until I was 22. In nursery and primary school, I would willingly not eat the cake or share sweets a classmate would bring to class for their birthdays. It is because I believed it a sin and that if I ate even just one bonbon then I would make Jehovah mad for participating in pagan rituals. For this, I also never attended birthday parties of any of my friends. Kinda made me the odd one out and eventually, you will not get invited.
One particular birthday of my classmate and friend when I was 17 made me feel the weight of my lifestyle. Balancing the birthday cake and my religious convictions, I chose the latter. Surely for that move, I earned eternal life points with the big man up there. All the other kids spent a month preparing a surprise party for her, and I remember wanting to participate, learn the dance moves, and contribute the 1k or 2k for a cake and gifts, but I just couldn’t. You know fighting with your conscience so deeply, you just hurt for your choice.
My high school friends usually never included me in their birthday plans or wished me a happy birthday, and honestly, their respect for my choices made me feel valuable and respected. But for that one time, they included me and packaged it as us being there for our friend. I still wasn’t impressed but when I look back, that was the first seed to start questioning my deeply ingrained beliefs.
Now that I can celebrate and have no guilt around birthdays, I just forget other people’s dates or catch myself saying “Oh it's not in my tradition”. I am still adjusting, and learning the dos and don'ts. For the past 5 years, I have actively celebrated my siblings’ birthdays; as a way to make them feel special on that day but also because I hope they develop a healthier relationship with being the center, accepting love, and being celebrated.
I do not feel the same excitement most people feel on their birthday, if anything I dread the day, especially when I have no plans. I overthink everything, getting closer to death aside, I wonder why people remember mine, and when someone sends me a message I get guilty that maybe I didn’t send one to them this year.
Celebrating seems to be a culture of huge importance in our society. Recently, on Twitter, this 23-year-old girl shared how she broke up with her childhood friend because she did not attend her birthday party. Beef can arise from posting or not posting a friend, it can also be a hint on what friendship level people have because you don’t post everyone you know do you? Was the caption this year short or generic? Did they post a flattering picture? Were you not invited to a party? Did they not come to your party? Not even a message? phew so much politics, that feels overwhelming sometimes. We are all expected to interpret and comply with all these implicit rules and norms. I am still learning.
I now understand and accept birthday celebrations to be a ritual embedded in our social reality. They push a sense of belonging and identity. To stay a pleasant member of my community, I will stay celebrating people, I commit to sending more personal messages that highlight my connection with the person, their qualities, and my fondest wishes. I also love parties and it feels nice to be able to participate in showing someone love at this stage of my life.
As for my birthday, I don’t know what the plan is, maybe I will stop altogether, and remove the pressure and anxieties it causes me on the day? What I hope is that the love will keep pouring and I will learn to just celebrate or accept to be celebrated.
I would love to hear from you, do you struggle with existential dread or navigating social expectations around birthdays?
Please share your own experiences in the comments if any :)
