Hey Fat Ass, You’re Going to Die Anyways:

A Tale of Why, How, and What to Workout


Volume I: Part 0-The Prologue


Let me start out by saying, I read a book once written by Mickey Mantle my Father gave to me after his passing. This was an excellent book as far as the message is concerned, but I’m pretty confident good ol’ Mickey wrote it himself and the punctuation, spelling, and use of transitions was a little off so bare[Bear? Beer?] with me.

One thing you have to know, I am a “Journey is greater than the destination” (WOW) type of guy. So I’m going to do something I probably shouldn’t while writing a the start of this series. Giving you the moral in the prologue. That’s right. The next sentence after this one, of course, is going to be the entire purpose of me sitting down and putting my thoughts on paper:

YOU ARE GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY, WHETHER YOU SMOKE, DRINK, EAT A TON, EAT A LITTLE, IF YOU’RE SKINNY, IF YOU’RE FAT or…. LIVE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE AND WORKOUT 7 DAYS A WEEK.

That’s right you pretentious assholes that workout (oh wait that’s me). You’re going to die too. But here’s the thing… by exercising you’re improving your life while on earth. Amazing right? Now if working out for 1 day can add 30 seconds more to your life, for example, laying on your deathbed you get to stare into the eyes of your loved ones for 30 more seconds because that day back in 1989 you decided to go for a fuckin’ 30 minute run (which isn’t optimal, but we’ll get to that later) than isn’t it worth it?* The Journal Public Library of Science Medicine found moderate forms of exercise can boost life expectancy by 2–3.5 years if done weekly. Breaking that down I’m sure you will find time added to your life for simply working out consistently. Now depending on the circumstances, hopefully you aren’t suffering and those 30 seconds are blissful, but it’s not so much for you at that point is it. It’s more for the people you love, to enjoy those extra 30 seconds of life you have with them. Because believe it or not, you have impacted their life in such a way that they are there to spend your last moments with you, and they need you almost more than you need them.

I’m writing this from experience. No… I’m not dead, obviously dumb ass. But I do know that whether I die in 10 years, which at the writing of this I would be 32, or 100 years, I want to know I lived life giving everything I have to the people that have most impacted me.

Now that I gave away my age, let me tell you a little bit more about me before you put this shit down. I am 22 years old, male (at this point it has been established) and I have been exercising for 7 going on 8 years. I have been a fitness professional as in a NASM Certified CPT for the last 2 years (2015–2017) and I have worked with a multitude of clients. But in my humble opinion, that’s not really what qualifies me to tell you the story I plan to tell in this book. You see 2 days after I turned 19, I lost my dad to a life long battle he had with heart disease that began when HE was 19. He passed at the young age of 69. His side of the family has been ridden with genetic issues involved with heart disease. His father at the age of 60 passed away from sudden cardiac arrest. His brother, same thing only he was 36 years old at the time of his passing. And his 1st sister, a brain stem stroke 2 months before the passing of my father. You see where I’m going with this.

I learned a little factoid back in college (Yes I attended Bloomsburg University for a couple of years as an exercise science major) in one of my intro courses, is just because on the male side of my family there is a genetic disposition of heart disease, I am 50% more likely to die from heart related causes because it’s in my blood. Now, I have vastly improved my odds simply by partaking in physical exercise, more specifically strength and conditioning training, and have decided to make better decisions for myself.

So although I have the qualifications to serve you in a sense of exercises and prescribing said movements to improve your quality of life, I am truly writing this as someone who got to spend a lifetime with my father (an incredible man) and you’ll learn more about him and me as we go. But I didn’t get to spend my father’s last moments with him. Here’s the thing, he wasn’t notoriously fat. He was very physically active at a young age with sports and a multitude of things. And to be honest, with all of his complications he had throughout his life, his sheer will to live for his family probably got him to age 69. But he certainly did what he could from a physical standpoint. And there is so much more knowing what I know now that I would have done with him during his life if i wasn’t a dumb ass kid growing up.

So listen FAT ASS, this book is your blueprint. Now I am not fat shaming, all I want out of people who read the title of this article is to know that they’re happy with who they are. You can be fat, skinny, young, old, I don’t care quite frankly. This series is for mostly beginners, but people of all shapes and sizes. A couple paragraphs ago I already gave you some value, you run for 30 minutes (which I really do want to iterate is not optimal), you live 30 seconds longer (Livescience).* The rest of this series is going to give you detailed programming that you can download the PDF’s Weekly from my website:

http://www.convictionshealth.com/

Here you can follow along and get an understanding of how to partake, week to week, in the challenges ahead. The first week is actually pretty simple. But for people looking to get into exercise who have never touched it, no matter how old you are, no matter how much you weigh, or how you look, you will be challenged.

So although I have the qualifications to serve you in a sense of exercises and prescribing said movements to improve your quality of life, I am truly writing this as someone who got to spend a lifetime with my father (an incredible man) and you’ll learn more about him and me as we go. But I didn’t get to spend my father’s last moments with him. Here’s the thing, he wasn’t notoriously fat. He was very physically active at a young age with sports and a multitude of things. And to be honest, with all of his complications he had throughout his life, his sheer will to live for his family probably got him to age 69. But he certainly did what he could from a physical standpoint. And there is so much more knowing what I know now that I would have done with him during his life if i wasn’t a dumb ass kid growing up.

So without further ado, whether you are fat, or you workout, the information going forward I hope can help you achieve what you want in physical fitness, and maybe even a better overall life. I know learning has helped me. Part 1 of this Volume will arrive next week on Tuesday. Stay tuned as it will have the first week of workouts for you and more on why you should get off your ass and do SOMETHING…. like anything really.

*It is not scientifically proven 1 day of exercise adds 30 seconds of life expectancy.