How do you speak such good English?

And other answers.

This was my grandad. JK, I took it from the internet.

Hi there.

I am an Indian living in New York.

For the most part I am just like everybody else. I am broke, I spend a lot of my waking hours on the train and I know my homeless guy by name (which is Homeless Guy).

But I am Indian. Not Indian American, Just-Off-The-Boat-Indian.

And these are my chronicles.

Firstly can I just say, this is not what I ordered?

I asked for the New York of the movies and the sitcoms, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, you know. Not what I got. 3 stars on Yelp.

Anyway, so today I am going to answer some FAQs that Indians in America get, like I wish I could have.

1. Is India Hot?

Thinks It looks like Another Child Left Behind. Can I be an ostrich in my next life?

2. How do you speak such good English?

Thinks I bet if i asked her where India was on the globe, she wouldn’t be able to point it out. Should I try it? I wonder if my data speed is fast enough for a world map so I can shove my superior knowledge in her face.

3. Your accent is so light, I can understand almost everything you say.

Thinks Almost?! ALMOST?! I am speaking the same language as you! Aren’t I? Am I speaking English? Did I spout out some Hindi word in there by mistake? Why did I move to this country?!

4. OOOOOOH, I have always wanted to go to India.

Thinks For the culture, the history, it’s so fasci-blahblahblahblah. You just wanted to see all the monkeys and poor people. Or better yet, Instagram them.

5. Mumbai? Where’s that?

Thinks What has to happen for an adult in America to spend their entire lives without ever having heard of Mumbai? Did she close her eyes every time somebody opened a newspaper? Oh hey! I wonder if this will work…

Says It’s the place where Slumdog Millionaire was shot.

*This is usually greeted with an enthusiastic nod*

Moral of the story: HOW?!