A Day in the Hardin House
Welcome to the “Day in Our House” project! We’re shadowing the regular, ordinary days of some awesome stay-at-home/work-from-home mothers. Read about the inspiration behind the project here!
My name is Molly Hardin. I live in Ft. Thomas, Kentucky with my husband,Kyle and 4 kids, EJ (5), Oz (4), Lydia (20 Months), and Millie (20 Months). As if that’s not enough little kids, I am about to deliver our 5th baby in September. Once our little “caboose” finally makes his arrival, our family will have grown from a family of three to a family of seven in two years. We finally welcomed home our long-awaited son, Oz, at the end of April after a three year adoption delay (His adoption into our family is a great story of God’s faithfulness and providence, but that’s for another day.) Our family has been in a constant state of transition, so routine is the name of the game for us. It helps keep the kid’s day predicable, which in turn keeps emotions at a manageable level.
Kyle and I wake up at 6:00am. He usually makes breakfast and coffee for the both of us. We use this time to talk about what is on the calendar, behavior concerns, and parenting game-plan for the day. The kids start to wake up at 7:00am.
7:00am: I make breakfast for all four kids and Kyle will sit and chat with them while they eat. We used to make each kid a different breakfast, but what we’ve found is that Kyle and I were spending the hour that he has with the kids in the morning acting as a short order cook. So now, there is one breakfast, eat it or don’t.
The Bigs (EJ and Oz) get their charts started for the day. EJ’s chart has more routine type tasks on it as we prepare for the new school year, she is expected to make her bed and be dressed before coming to the kitchen for breakfast. Since Oz has only been home for several months, his expectations are more focused on self-care tasks and increasing his independence (like not calling for me 1,000 times during nap time.)
Kyle leaves for work at 8:00am. Since it’s Monday and Kyle and I spent our morning time talking about this weekend’s activities, I didn’t get a chance to print out my calendar for the week. I adopted a digital calendar about a year ago. I use it to keep all the happenings of the home. I meal plan, schedule our days, schedule house tasks that need to be completed throughout the week, and also keep usual “calendar” stuff on it like family birthdays and appointments.
The Bigs spend some morning time coloring. This picture does not accurately depict what this time is actually like on most days. This is meant to be a quiet time so that I can get the house ready for the day, tidy the kitchen after breakfast, and make beds. The way it went down this morning was with a bunch of bickering and hitting over a black crayon. They ended up separated and sitting quietly until I was ready for the next part of our day.
9:00am: The Littles (Lydia and Millie) still rest for an hour in the morning. They don’t always sleep but they play happily in their beds long enough so that I can get dressed. During this time the Bigs are watching a movie. I know, I know, screen time. It is something that I feel conflicted about but I have 4 kids, the oldest of which is 5. I have to be able to get some things done, like brush my teeth and make a phone call or two.
This is me, struggling with the decision to get dressed or go to the YMCA to work out for a little bit. I’m not a “work out” kind of lady; I’ve never enjoyed it. But I’ve been told that exercise is good for your body, plus it’s an hour alone a few times a week. The decision lately has been to just get dressed and move on with my day, but that’s because I’m 35 weeks pregnant and the thought of loading all the kids into the van just seems like too much to me. What will be the decision today?
10:00am: We’ve had quite the challenge this summer with getting our Bigs to eat anything remotely good for their bodies. They are rewarded with a sticker on their chart for choosing a fruit or veggie for snack.
Decision made! We shall go to the Y today. I’ve kept this visual schedule for Oz. It seems to ease some anxiety about what is coming next in the day.
11:00am: This is my van. We just got her. When trying to figure out how we were going to arrange all 5 kids in their various car seat/booster requirements in our minivan, we quickly learned that it just simply wasn’t going to work. Today, however this is where my big kids saw a mad Mommy! While getting the kids rounded up to leave the Y today, I had both twins in my arms. The big kids started to run for the door while I trailed behind. I was at first calling their names in that calm “mommy voice,” it then escalated to a more serious tone, asking them to stick together, then “GUYS, STOP!, DO NOT GO OUT THAT DOOR!!!” You know what those little buggers did? They straight up ignored me and ran out the door heading into the parking lot. Because my hands were completely full, and I’m hugely pregnant, I had no way of physically stopping them. I caught up to them after they had just stepped off the curb into the parking lot. By the time we got to the van I totally lost my cool! I was mad and scared. On the way home I handed out an intentionally vague consequence, but told them I’d have to think about the loss that they will take for disobeying me.
Losses were handed out before Kyle got home for lunch. EJ lost her iPad privileges and was required to take a nap instead of resting with me on my bed. It has proven difficult to find a consequence that Oz cares about and is also appropriate within the attachment process. Just recently we found that he really cares about these sweet toys that he keeps neatly lined up on his dresser. He rarely cries, but when he has to put these toys away in this bag, he feels the weight of his choices.
12:00pm: Kyle came home for lunch. The kids ate lunch and were promptly put down for a nap, I was still mad. I head to my bed to take a nap too. This is Hank, he’s our 9 year old black lab mix. Some would say that our relationship is co-dependent, I don’t care, I love this dog and his undying loyalty to me. A good snuggle/nap with him makes me one happy lady!
2:30pm: The Littles wake up from their naps first and I get to enjoy some individual time with just them before the Bigs wake up.
3:00pm: I set the Bigs up with “stations” after their rest and a snack. They get to choose what they do during this time, (I have things like PlayDoh, stringing beads and Kinetic sand available) They are usually drawn to the sensory type activities. My only rules are that they stick with their own task and do it independently until the timer goes off (Oz loves a timer, we set it for most activities that he does during the day.) Today they are sorting water beads by color.
4:00pm: Station time was cut short due to issues with disobedience and disrespect. After several, “try that again with respect…” “looks like you need to try that again…” “Is that the way we speak to Mom?” Both bigs kids are sitting in silence in the other room until Kyle gets home. Great day to document a day in the life with the Hardins, am I right? :)
5:00pm: I make dinner most nights of the week. Tonight I made homemade “Chipotle.” I figured the kids weren’t going to like it, and quite frankly after their choices today, I didn’t care.
6:00pm: After dinner the Bigs help me clean the kitchen. I have to take some responsibility for the way the rest of the evening went. Even though we hugged it out after the incident at the Y and after the disrespect-fest this afternoon, I am still feeling mad and hurt, it’s hard not to feel beat up on after a day like today. I know the kids did not feel forgiven or reconciled with me, and their behavior and attitude showed that. Sorry kids, Mom is human, fallen, and messes up all the time too.
It is 7:00pm. Everyone is in bed because, well, I am done with them for the day and they were done with the day. Before they go to bed I take some time to speak affirmations over them. They always start like this: “You are a treasured daughter (son) of the Most High King. You are loved and valued. You belong in this family and you play an important role on our team…” I go on and speak truth to them “you are smart, you are kind, you are generous, you are funny, ect., and I am thankful everyday that I get to be your Mommy FOREVER!”
8:00pm: Kyle and I spent some time laughing about the day, because sometimes that’s the only way to decompress after a day like today. Tonight’s joke that got us both rolling was “Do you think the baby would come out if I did a backwards roll? Do you think I should try it? Maybe I’ll ask Draz (my OB) to oversee my backroll attempt. It can’t hurt the baby could it?” With a good laugh, we are off to bed, because, well, we are tired.
That’s it. That was our day. Some days are worse and most days are actually way better. I am thankful that God’s mercies are new every morning! Motherhood is holy, hard and sometimes heartbreaking work. I’ve said it a lot the past few months, being a mom to many little kids is by far the hardest thing physically and emotionally that I’ve ever done, but I know 100% that it is the BEST work I will do in my life.
Want more? Read “A Day in the Kraft House”
