How To Enjoy Motherhood — 8 Habits

Raising a pack of young kids is hard work. It’s good work, but it is HARD. Motherhood has been the biggest joy and the biggest challenge of my life. I’ve laughed harder and cried harder in the last 5 years than I ever did before kids. Sometimes it feels like the waves just keep crashing over me, and before I can get my feet planted, another wave comes and knocks me back down.

In my 5 years as a mother, I’ve found that moms tend to fall into one of two categories:

1. There are thriving moms. They’re rolling up their sleeves every morning and engaging in the work before them. They’re acting as conduits of joy, order, structure, and life to their family. There are messes, and tantrums, and sibling fist-fights, but they’re rolling with it and creatively solving problems, training, and encouraging the little people in their care. They’re riding the wave of motherhood, and not being pummeled by it.
2. There are surviving moms. They are overwhelmed by the tasks and responsibilities of each day. They are irritated with their kids, resentful of the “alone time” their husbands enjoy at work, and are actively trying to escape the realities of the life they’re living. They daydream about all the better ways they could be spending their days than with the small herd of whining children that stampeded and wreacked so much havoc on their body and their me-time.

Now — I’ve spent a lot of my time in the latter camp, just trying to get through the day and dreading the early morning cries from the nursery.

But I don’t want to stay in the just-barely-getting-through-this camp for the next 20 years. I want to enjoy my children and thrive where I am. I don’t want to be a victim to motherhood; I want to embrace it.

So a few weeks ago I had an idea. For one day, I’d shadow a few of my friends who were definitely in the “Thriving Mom” camp, and share their days with the world.

Each thriving friend I shadowed was unique and their families had their own vibe. Some were very ordered and structured, and some were laid back and spontaneous. But as different as each mom was, I eventually noticed several recurring patterns.

There were a few things that each happy, thriving mom did every day.

They were such ordinary, obvious things, I almost didn’t notice them.

But I guess it’s the little, ordinary things that make up a life. The small habits and patterns that shape and mold a good life.

What are we, if not the sum of each moment’s decision?

So, I put them together. Here are the 8 habits of thriving moms, who are enjoying their children, motherhood, and life.

1. They wake up before their kids.

They know that sunrise brings a pitter patter of little feet. They know that those little feet belong to little bodies that need more than a little diaper change. They know that those little bodies are more than a little hungry. They know that once the day begins it will be hours before there’s a respite for brushing teeth or putting hair up.

So they wake up early — just a few minutes earlier than their children. They hop in the shower, brush their teeth, spend 5 minutes putting on their makeup — and they make some coffee.

Their kids wake up and they’re ready to greet them. They’re starting the day on their own terms.

2. They take care of their body.

They know that if they’re not at 100%, then everyone’s in trouble. They find time to take care of themselves.

They take time to exercise and strengthen their body. They’re not trying to fit into their honeymoon bikini. They just know that the full life they intend to live requires a body that is working at its best potential.

3. They hang out with friends — good friends.

They have people. Their people. They know they can’t do this job alone. They know time on Facebook isn’t actually time with friends. They have friends who are there walking along the path with them.

But here’s a big, huge caveat: they’re friendly with everyone, but they have an inner circle of good friends.

These are the friends who build you up and speak life into your soul. They’re the friends who remind you of what’s true when you’re sleep deprived and don’t know what is.

They’re friends who will rally you on the hard days. They speak out hope and encouragement. They fill you with life. They put their kids in front of the television so they can pray with you, and then make you laugh. They leave you feeling rallied, restored, and ready to face the hard things. They’re the kind of people who say, “O my gosh, that is so hard. What the heck?! I can’t believe that happened! But look at you — you’re doing it! You’re living to tell about it! You’re getting stronger and more resilient every day. I see you and what I is see is beautiful!”

Thiving moms know these friends are rare and hard to find, but they also know that once they’re found, they’re worth more than gold.

4. They get dressed everyday.

They’re not in their pajamas at noon. Motherhood is not a vacation. Thiriving moms are on their game and dressed for the job. They are awake, alert, and ready to handle whatever comes at them.

5. They get out of the house at least once a day.

They know they can’t stay cooped up in the house all day, every day. They know, that even though it takes a lot of effort, going for a walk, talking to a neighbor, and feeling the sun on their face is worth all the time it takes to put on all their little people’s coats and shoes.

6. They practice gratitude.

Thriving moms are thankful women. They know they are not content by nature. They know they need to orient their spirit in the right direction every day.

They know that the alternative to living with an openhanded spirit is wallowing in self-pity. They know self-pity will comfort in the moment, but quickly poisons their heart and leaves them sick and contagious. Thriving moms know that self-pity is a cancer that will eat up every ounce of their happiness, and they’re not going to sink without a fight.

7. They put their phones away.

Thriving moms know that the most important thing in the world is happening right in front of them. They also know that when the important thing in front of you gets hard, the path of least resistance is the path of escape. They know that escaping the hard realities of their very real life won’t actually solve any of their problems.

They also know that when they’re browsing, or distracted by the constant ping of text messages, their tolerance to “annoyances” (like their children) is obliterated.

Thriving moms have a plan for managing social media. They block social media on their phone, or put their phone out of eyesight. They work hard to keep their mind and attention on the things — the people — in front of them.

8. They do things.

Thriving moms know that their identity as a mother is just one part of their rich, textured soul. They had interests and passions before children, and they continue to pursue those interests after they have children. They know that they are dynamic, curious people, and that becoming a mother does not chance those facts, but enhances them.

So, they hire babysitters, they stay up late, they let their kids watch a movie in the middle of the day. They figure out how make time to do the things they love to do. They’re freelancing for a newspaper, or teaching an online class, or on the board of a non-profit, or managing an Etsy shop. They’re thinking about ideas, solving problems, and being creative outside of their homes, and that outpouring ends up breathing life back into their home.

(Note: This isn’t a charge to “get out there and work harder and try harder and do more stuff.” It’s an encouragement to still do the things that you love doing, even in motherhood.)

I don’t want to just make it through these precious, intense years of raising small children.

I want to lie on my board. I want to spot the wave coming towards me. I want to paddle my heart out. I want to jump up as the water starts to lift me. I want to rush into the curl of the water. I want to ride these beautiful waves all day.

When the day is over, I’ll paddle towards the shore completely exhausted.

Completely given.

Completely spent.

And I’ll call the day a good day.