The Divorced Dad’s Guide to Dinner

  1. Call Jill.
  2. Ask Jill if Billy really doesn’t like hamburgers anymore, or if he’s just saying that because he’s confused and angry and processing a lot of change.


  1. Call Jill.
  2. Tell her you’re sorry for calling again.
  3. It’s just that Billy says he’ll only eat hamburgers if it’s the way she makes them.
  4. Ask her what way that is.
  5. Say maybe it’d be easiest if she just came over and showed you?
  6. Ha!
  7. Tell her you’re just kidding.
  8. Confirm you’re just kidding
  9. She probably has plans tonight anyways…?
  10. Dangle.


  1. Call Jill.
  2. Apologize for calling so much.
  3. Say you just wanted to let her know you meant what you said in your email.
  4. Tell her that you don’t want her to think that you can only express yourself in impersonal ways.
  5. Subtly remind her that you’re still seeing your therapist.
  6. Let her know it’s really helping.
  7. Reiterate that you’re sorry about buying the golf clubs without talking to her.
  8. Regret calling it “my money.”
  9. Confirm that was hurtful.
  10. Ask her if she’s had the chance to think about what you said.
  11. Tell her “no rush.”
  12. Ask her if she’s seeing someone.
  13. Immediately take it back.
  14. Acknowledge that it’s none of your business.


  1. Call Jill.
  2. Promise this is the last call.
  3. Tell her Billy liked the hamburger.
  4. Thank her.
  5. Ask her if this all started when you refused to move to Denver.
  6. Tell her you’re glad she’s passionate about her career, but there’s nothing for you in Denver.
  7. Pivot hard and without reason and remind her that the golf clubs were only on sale that afternoon and there was no time to call home.
  8. Plus, you’re a grown man and don’t need permission!
  9. Remind her that she wouldn’t have even found out about it if she hadn’t opened your credit card statement.
  10. Say you’re not making excuses, but she did technically violate your privacy, so you’re just, “stating facts.”
  11. Say you’re only yelling because she’s yelling.
  12. Tell her she’s the one that started a fight!
  13. Apologize.


  1. Call Jill.
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