Parenting and the lessons of the Scorpion.
Quinn was sharing a shirt with a scorpion for an hour and a half today and they cohabitated peacefully until Quinn felt the wiggling and calmly removed his hoodie. We all kind of freaked out but he did not. So, my brother of course, looked up the meaning behind a scorpion showing up in your shirt.
When the spirit of a man is decisive and firm, the space clears around him and others give him room. -John Watson Foster.
This is the essence of my son. Bold, self-protective, able to make an accurate crack decision about a person’s character, he is never wrong. never changes his mind and he is 12 years old. His dad passed suddenly when he was four. Forcing him to experience the depths of loss and abandonment that peels away in layers as he moves through the process of growing up. I have noticed grief changes as you grow and the loss stays the same.
I remember the day his dad died. I loved him though I could not be with him. I learned some of my greatest lessons on acceptance and unconditional love with that charismatic, unruly man. He was my friend and was there in the strangest of ways and not so much when you might think he should be there. He cultivated the practice of alcoholism from a young age being steeped in that and sexual abuse. It was his lover and enemy and I understood that.
The phone ring pierced the peaceful afternoon. Quinn and I being who we are looked at each other and he immediately began to cry before I picked up the phone. I remember declaring NO with all my being. I refused his death. If you have lost someone you love you know what this feels like. Like the force of your feeling might change what happens…
Where I am an inherently spiritual person looking for beauty and love in all things. A regular cheeseball, thats me.Quinn is piercing in his perception, keenly observant and errs on the side of caution.
When he was in my womb I imagined this free-flowing earth loving hippie kid much like myself at the time. Quinn is a tech savvy gamer with a penchant for the political and a lover of all things factual. Sometimes we feel like we are living on different planets.
We are ever finding our way in the Mother-Son dance. Sometimes we do not like each other at all, yet we always are fierce in our love for each other. He is my greatest teacher to date in this life. I have found the practice of seeing the beauty in who he is, and letting go of what I want or think he should be to be the most powerful tool in my parenting kit.
acceptance is a loving force.
and I wish more parents knew how essential this practice is.
and it is a practice because where else to we distinctly experience the opportunity to emotionally interact with people we would not normally choose to spend time with and are constantly challenged by but our family?!
The dance between lets go for a walk, no I want to game… its shitty outside, and how much online time is healthy and when do you give them the power to choose for themselves. When you see them completely fail in self monitoring so you police them and then realize perhaps you have to police yourself….and you dance, and you dance…
So today I see my beautiful boy laugh with his cousins and I appreciate his brilliant wit. When I ask him “when is the last time you brushed your teeth? They are looking a bit yellow”. He retorts “Cool, maybe they will turn gold!” and we all laugh.