Anger WTF! $&?@*#

Is it useful? What’s the point of it?

A couple of months ago when I spoke at the Rails Conference in Kansas City, I had someone in the audience after I spoke ask me why I hadn’t been writing lately. It took me off guard because I never even truly realized anybody was even watching, or subscribing, or paying attention. I had tunnel vision, which is so easy to have when we are on this hamster wheel of life.

Lately IRL (in real life), I have been battling so many different types of loss (including losing my job, losing family members, losing friends, etc…) and about to live in a state 500 miles away in less than 3 days and start a grad school program at duke that I have skipped past the point of grief and became extremely angry. Angry for being misunderstood, angry for losing everything that felt important to me, angry for giving so much and feeling I got nothing but more anger in return, angry for being angry when I know at the end of the day communication is key and is getting worse until we do something about it.

Did you know there are over 57 different apps to send someone a message? And they all get misinterpreted, and still isn’t comfortable for the person giving or receiving it. (I made up this number, but it’s large).

Why am I exploring this? Because I feel that in order to get through, one must get an understanding. I stopped writing for a year because I knew that I was approaching a new chapter, not everyone can go with me, and the pain that comes from it, is enough to cause true heartbreak.

And anger. Don’t forget, I’m angry. Grr.

But seriously, we have to let our voice be heard. We have to continue to speak up even when it hurts, and not be afraid to be vulnerable, because perhaps it’s just us resisting what we know we must do — because after all it’s resistance that causes pain — and move on to discover the parts of ourselves that has got distorted over all the noise.

I’m back, and hope to write daily about the transformation of my life to which by the time I reach North Carolina, it will begin my “Day 0”.

It’s time to not be angry anymore, and examine what it is about life that this anger is trying to teach us.