I love your honesty so much, and I feel the exact same way. I keep asking myself what’s the barrier, or what’s the motivation to keep going, perhaps it’s the challenge, the game, being present, and that’s a great feeling. Feeling set apart, knowing more than your neighbor, or just not being able to connect with yourself or with others not so much. It’s been hard for me and I’ve been trying to be creative as a solution, but I’m losing patience and tired of being silent, playing into the distractions that people fall into when there is a whole other dangerous war going on called mental bondage and the cyber world…. I don’t know. I’m in the middle of my own existential crisis, so I apologize if this doesn’t even relate to your story, but your words are so authentically melancholily beautiful.