I’ve hit rock bottom.

I have been googling how I feel to find the answers that yell in my head such as “Who am I?”, and “Why am I here”, and “What’s my purpose?”, and the answers have been a big void, a serious void as it seems like I go through this phase on a regular basis which only allows me to rise like a phoenix, spread my wings, and become amazing in my own right.

Then I wake up. And I realize the scars, the broken bones, the busted eye, and missing tooth. Yes it’s good to go through tough times, it teaches us exactly how to approach the next one as long as we don’t resist. It teaches us a new lesson as long as learn the last one and don’t repeat old mistakes.

But it sucks. It sucks hard.

I were to tell you I would be living in North Carolina going to Duke for grad school after talking at SXSW how I would never go to higher ed again, and feeling so alone as I switch careers from the tech word into more writing and telling my story–I would have told you that you were crazy. I would have said, no I’m finally getting re-noticed at my job, and making a healthy salary in a career that was my birthright (seriously, I came out of the womb crying Pi rather than just screaming gibberish). I knew that I was supposed to be spectacular.

Except I’m not.

And I don’t know if I’ll ever be, and that’s ok.

In fact, it makes me feel less anxious, and in turn, it allows me to just be me and embrace more of the old adage of “if you love what you do, you never have to work a day in your life.” I corrected it it to say “If you love what you do, you never to worry a day in your life as you are present and walking into who you are supposed to be.”

It’s longer, but believe me, the message is to be you, embrace the solitude, be comfortable at the “bottom”, and visualize where you want to be so the path will open up.

That’s all I got. Anything encouraging, please share as getting out of the slump is hard.