Why Feedback Is Important

…or why you speak your mind no matter what.

Validation.

You want it, and that’s okay.

Whether it’s a pat on the back, or a card (virtual or print), or a hug, or some champagne sent to you in the mail (thanks coworker, you know who you are). Feedback is important because we are not only creatures of habit and feel the need to have a routine, but also because it’s just sort of how we were supposed to be raised. The problem comes when you are basing your actual personal value on what other people think about you, whether it’s good or bad.

I’ve been dealing with several scenarios in my life to which I literally have been able to pinpoint this need to “feed my ego” so that I can feel like I’ve done good for the day. Get that pat on the back. That “invisible applause”.

The problem is that I never feel good enough operating off of this mindset. I can try hard to justify why it’s healthy to look outside of one’s self and get good feedback to help with self definition or self awareness, but at the end of the day, you are in charge of you and the definition or meaning that you have placed on your life.

“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.” — Malcolm X

As a consultant, who is considered an “expert” in my field on good days, and as a UX Architect and artist, I am one that sadly needs a lot of validation and constantly have to keep my artist complex at bay. (ref: “I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my shit.”)

I was on two conference calls back to back, and the first call went well in my mind. I was able to convey a message, they understood, were pleased and progress was made. However, on the second call, I felt like because of a lot of barriers that happened with the project, I felt that all of my “high” from the first call flew away. It all boiled down to my perception of myself due to the feedback with the way the project went, and I felt like I was the “bad guy” at one point because it felt like I was just complaining. This could look like self-victimization, but really it was about being present in the moment rather than creating a situation in my head in which I was allowing myself to feel disempowered. What’s worse was that I felt that I appeared distant and I couldn’t mention it to my team, because it wasn’t relevant.

What was relevant was the discovery of self-praise or giving myself permission to just not feel excited about something that everyone else was excited about. And that’s okay.

I read an article by my an awesome guy who spoke on the expert curse. For some reason I felt compelled to really live out the words in this post because it spoke loudly to the issue I deal with currently with not feeling fulfilled and just feeling “lost”. I believe a lot of that has to do with feedback, and not just externally. We have that lovely internal voice that sets the narration of our life and can cause us to feel like we are in action/adventure movie or in a melancholy documentary.

The choice is ours.

Feedback is important though.

So give good, constructive feedback when you can, accept what will help you to be positive about yourself and what you believe in, and throw the rest away.

Life is too short to be reserved. Learn as much as you can, and move on. Give feedback, receive feedback and patiently just be.